Page 21 of Matched By My Rival
If the anticipation didn’t kill me first.
7
PARKER
You ever think about who we might be without people pushing us to be whotheywant us to be?
I typed the message to BiCuriousStud impulsively, frustrated by a week of chastisement by Coach, followed by “encouraging” pep talks from my parents. Sometimes being a student athlete was too much, and I just wanted to walk away. I imagined the freedom I’d have without workout regimens, drills, and mandated study halls I didn’t even need half the time.
Whenever I expressed this frustration, though, my family reminded me how lucky I was. To play a game I’d always loved. To receive a scholarship for it. To have loyal teammates and friends. To gain experience I could use in the future and throughout my life.
There was the ul*timate dream of being drafted by the NFL. It happened on occasion for Hayworth players—though not nearly as often as it did at larger football programs. But even without the draft, there were other avenues to continuing a career in football. Undrafted free agency, for one.
Coach had a few connections with some of the regional teams, and Mom was convinced he could get me a look by someone important. Some guys got onto the roster that way, and some got onto a practice team, but either way it was a foot in the door. And if that didn’t pan out, catching the eye of someone important could lead to other jobs.
But did I really want my entire life to revolve around my glory days in college football?
Not so much. I wasn’t even sure about my backup plan anymore—teaching high school football. Instead, I found myself rearranging my schedule to take elementary classes in the hopes of teaching younger kids instead.
But my parents were just so damn proud of me. It made me feel like a shit not to appreciate what I had. Especially when I considered how much Simon would probably give to trade places with me.
My phone buzzed, and I surreptitiously checked it. I was supposed to be studying—but I couldn’t focus tonight, despite playing catch-up thanks to my change of heart about which area of education to study.
BiCuriousStud had answered me.You feeling the weight of expectation? Can’t say I do. I’ve always done what I wanted and fuck everyone else.
I smiled wryly.That sounds great, actually.
So do it.
It’s not really that simple. I’d let a lot of people down.
You sound like one of my friends,he responded.Always worried about pleasing other people. But what about you? You deserve to be happy too.
Maybe he was right. Maybe Iwasa people-pleaser. But I doubted Coach would think of it the same way. He’d say I had a responsibility to finish what I started. Mom and Dad wouldn’t try to stop me, but they wouldn’t understand. They’d warn me that I might regret walking away, that maybe I was just stressed or tired.
And there were elements of truth to that.
But they didn’t know the whole of it. That as long as I continued with football, I couldn’t really be me.
Sorry to be a mope today,I texted.
I’d been chatting with BiCuriousStud every couple of days. We talked about random things we could both relate to: the best food at the student rec center, the best jogging paths on campus, our favorite shortcuts from one end of campus to the other.
We kept it light, casual. Nothing too personal. I could tell BiCurious was still feeling me out, deciding if I was someone he’d want to get to know better. It was a bit unusual for a hookup app. Usually it was about getting off, not making friends. But there was something about his honesty that I liked. He’d been upfront with me, and it wasn’t as if I could hook up easily myself. Not with a recognizable face and name on campus. But I could have found someone easier, someone who was game for more than PG-13 conversation, at least.
The thing is, I didn’t want easy. I wanted to feel a connection.
That wasn’t too straight-forward when you were a closeted football player. But online, it was different. I didn’t have to be guarded. I didn’t have to worry about being outed. I could talk, and flirt, and maybe eventually have something more.
And it was thesomething more, as in a real relationship instead of a quick orgasm, that intrigued me the most.
He texted me back.Mope to me anytime. I have a big-ass chip on my shoulder half the time. I’m not exactly a ray of sunshine.
Maybe you’re my ray of sunshine,I typed, feeling daring.
Fuck off.
I laughed out loud, drawing Hinkel and Johnston’s attention. I quickly typed out a goodbye and shoved my phone into my bag. Hinkel continued to watch me as I returned to my books. Later, when we were packing up to leave, he nudged me.
