Page 96 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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“Will you get one signed for me?”

I hold out a ten, one-quarter of

my pocket money, at arm’s length.

Jyoti turns to some younger kids behind her

and says, “You don’t mind if Kai joins me, do you?”

It’s not a question and we all know it.

They shrug and go back to chatting.

“Can you just get it signed?” I ask again.

“I’m too embarrassed from assembly.”

“But you’ve said

you want to be an author,

and you’re gay.

And here’s a gay author.

You’ve got to take the opportunity

when it’s in front of you.”

I take plenty of opportunities, I think.

I took the opportunity to come out to The Boys.

I took the opportunity to ask out Obi.

“What’s the opportunity here?” I ask Jyoti.

“You can ask him to read your work,”

Jyoti says, like it’s obvious.

“You can ask him to mentor you

or introduce you to his agent.”

The line shuffles forward

and so does Jyoti.

She feels a million steps ahead of me.

“I’m not ready for any of that,” I say.

“I just want a signed book.

I haven’t even read this book.

It might not be any good.”

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