Page 22 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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Of course I find Matt attractive,

and when we’re not arguing,

I love his company.

But I don’t want a boyfriend

who plans to stay in the closet until university:

that could never be my story.

I recall my advice to Vass:

It’s fine to have a crush

without having to act on it.

I have a crush on Matt,

I can admit that,

but I deserve to be with someone

who’ll be proud to be with me.

I allow a few more moments

of silence between us,

before I weave a new thread

into our conversation.

“Were there any hot guys

at this boxing boot camp?”

A shadow falls over Matt’s face.

“Nathan Anderson and The Boys were there.”

I don’t catch Matt’s meaning.

“Do you fancy Nathan Anderson?”

Matt shakes his head

and narrows his eyes,

like he’s disappointed

I can’t read his mind.

“No,” Matt says. He tuts and sighs.

“Because Nathan and The Boys were there,

it was like there was no fresh air.

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