Page 196 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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“Maybe they worry I’ll go to Soho

now I look old enough to get into a bar.

A part of me thinks

my parents already know I’m gay,

but I’m not gonna confirm it to them unless

they ask me or I’ve moved out for uni,

whichever comes first.

But being out to your mum,

Vass, The Boys, Jyoti, and T,

I feel, I don’t know, a glimmer

of what it might feel like in the future

to be fully out to everyone.

Do you get what I’m saying, Kai?

Your mum is like a ray of light—in my life, at least.”

“I get you,” I say, and I do.

What Theía Estélla is to me

is what my mum is to Matt.

I try to explain this to him:

“I think we look elsewhere

for what our parents can’t give us.

Vass’s mum is that ray of light for me.

That’s one of the things I’ve been discussing

with the school counselor:

how it takes a village to raise a child.

I guess my mum’s part of your village now.”

Matt’s eyes go glassy,

he looks tearful,

but he doesn’t let his tears flow.

He sniffs

and shakes his head,

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