Page 170 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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I bear the pain in my right elbow

caused by Matt’s muscular weight

as his heavy sobs shake me.

“I’m okay,” I say to my favorite boy.

It’s the first time I’ve seen Matt cry.

I think of Granny comforting me,

and how I comforted Vass.

I was a shoulder to cry on for Vass,

and I’m a chest to sob into for Matt.

“I’m okay,” I say again.

“I know,” Matt mumbles into my chest.

“But what if something worse had happened.”

“But it didn’t. It’s not that bad,” I say softly.

“I love you so much,” Matt sobs at my heart.

“I love you, too,” I whisper,

just loud enough for him to hear.

I realize this is the first time

we’ve said these words

to each other in a serious way.

I realize I’m crying, too.

I can see my used tissue on the bed

but I don’t have a free hand

to reach out for it.

My tears flow

down my cheeks

and fall

into Matt’s afro.

“I’m getting tears in your hair.”

I giggle through my waterworks.

I continue to rub Matt’s back.

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