Page 160 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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Real life isn’t a story with symmetry

and a satisfactory ending.

Things with Obi are far from satisfactory.

T and Jyoti told me

seeing each other means

seeing how it goes.

It’s not been going well.

It’s not the dream it was.

Obi is fresh-from-the-oven hot,

but something about him

leaves me feeling cold,

and that’s not his fault.

They’re not red flags, as such.

It’s not a crime to be posh,

privileged, or to show off.

It’s not a crime to apologize

for yourself all the time.

It’s not a crime to be anxious,

if that’s what Obi is.

But I find these things annoying,

and I’m easily annoyed.

I’ve been thinking it, but

I need to say it out loud.

“I don’t wanna be with Obi,” I tell Vass.

“I want to be with Matt.”

They roll their eyes and tut.

“Well, that’s extremely obvious.”

“Is it? Is it extremely obvious?”

I mock Vass’s mocking of me.

“Whatever, girl!” Vass laughs,

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