Page 133 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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I think of all the time we wasted

on a sun lounger in Larnaca,

waiting for Adonis to notice Vass,

while Matt was in London

boxing with The Boys.

I think of Vass being

sexually assaulted by Adonis,

and how Vass didn’t tell me

until weeks later.

I think of Adonis’s expectant smile

when he turned to me.

“And you are?” Adonis asked me.

I think of the possibility

of Adonis sexually assaulting me

and not Vass.

And then I think of me and Obi

naked in front of his mirrored wardrobe,

and what might be different on the other side.

I expected to feel butterflies,

but a tidal wave of anger takes me over.

“Obi, can you just chill out?”

I blurt as I shrug him off.

From the stunned silence I know

I’m the one who needs to chill.

Matt givesmetheBe coollook.

I don’t know what to say or where to look.

I don’t know what about Obi puts me off:

if it’s his privilege or suggestive comments

in front of my best friends.

Matt—who I still fancy.

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