Page 109 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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and fellow-inmate students.

“Oh no! Not you!” I chuckle.

“I hate Pastor Matthew!” I say this

but I mean the opposite.

Matt does this church pastor comedy character

because he thinks it gives me the ick

but really, I love him.

The character, that is.

“Excuse me,

young man,” Pastor Matthew continues.

“I think the words

you’re looking for

are

‘Thank you’

and

‘I love you.’”

Did Matt say that last part in his own voice?

I’m too shocked to say anything.

“So, how did Auntie Irína react?” Matt asks.

I must’ve imagined that last part.

“She was angry I made up the homophobia part,

but also relieved I owned up,

you know, before it blew up—”

“My thoughts exactly,” Matt interrupts me.

“But wait, listen: she said she was glad

she didn’t come into school this morning

like a crazy Karen peddling fake news.”

Matt creases over with laughter.

I feel proud and warmed to have achieved

a second big laugh from Matt

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