Page 103 of I Can't Even Think Straight

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which hit me like big, bad bullets

piercing the surface of my swimming pool of solitude,

wounding me

even though I’m in denial

and refuse to believe

words can hurt.

I’m surrounded by red and blue,

like blood suspended in water.

I stay there until my cousins return.

All three of them laughing.

T chases The Twins into the kitchen.

Granny’s stopped shouting.

She’s plating our dinner now.

The giggling twins climb onto my lap,

where I’m still seated at the kitchen table.

The Twins bring me back into my body.

“Kai’s home base,” Olivia says to T.

“Kai’s home base.” Sophia clings to me.

T takes out his phone.

I smile for the photo

T takes of me and The Twins.

I begin our special greeting:

“Hello there, my favorite girls

in the whole wide universe.”

“It’s world, not universe,”

they say, making my day.

T smiles at me kindly

and, for the first time,

I think I see him clearly.

If all our lives

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