Page 13 of I Can't Even Think Straight

---

a gossipy girl in my year

who T’s been dating since summer:

“‘Kai and Matt must miss each other,

being apart all summer.

They’re so cute together.’”

T sucks his teeth.

He returns to his own voice:

“What does Jyoti have to gain

by saying you’re being ‘cute’ with a next man?”

I wanna tell T:

Jyoti’s speculation might come from the fact

that she used to fancy Matt.

I wanna get T off my back,

but I don’t want him to feel bad about himself

thinking he’s only Jyoti’s second choice.

If T had simply asked if I was gay,

I’m pretty sure I would’ve said yes,

but because this involves Matt,

it feels more complicated than that,

more complicated than it should.

I’m angry at Jyoti for gossiping,

but that’s kinda her whole thing.

I’m angrier at Matt

for putting me in a position

where I feel forced to lie to my cousin.

T is a year older than me

and we’re at different schools.

T is often suspended from his.

“Well, for the millionth time,

I’m telling you Jyoti’s lying.

---