Page 45 of The Black Flamingo

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“It’s a letter asking if you’ll go out with me.”

Shit! Why did I say that so loudly?

The onlookers giggle.

“Oh, right,” he says. “This is awkward.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, realizing

I’ve got it completely wrong.

“I’m sorry,” says Rowan.

“It’s okay,” I say. “It’s okay,” I repeat,

even though it’s not okay.

And the letter drops to my feet.

I look down but don’t pick it up.

Instead I pick up speed

and head to my next class,

thanking God it isn’t drama.

In the corridor,

after double Religious Education,

Mr. Casey asks if I’m okay—

I don’t seem myself today, apparently.

I tell him about my letter to Rowan

and that I think I’m gay.

I ask him if I’m going to Hell.

He tells me about relationships

between men in the Bible.

He tells me that male friendship is natural.

I tell him I’m not talking about friendship.

He says I shouldn’t have sex yet.

He has a point, I guess: I’m only fifteen

but sometimes it feels like

everyone else is doing it.

Anyway, that’s not what I wanted from Rowan.

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