Page 169 of The Black Flamingo

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and abs or boobs, if you want to. Pad

hips and bum, if you want to. Cinch

your waist, if you want to. Shave

or add hair, if you want to. Make none

of the above adjustments if you don’t

want to.

Know why you want to do this.

If you don’t know why,

why the hell are you doing this?

Really, why the hell are you doing this?

Ask yourself the night before,

Why the hell am I doing this?

Ask yourself the morning of,

Why the hell am I doing this?

Ask yourself the whole day

leading up to your first performance,

Why the hell am I doing this?

Ask yourself the evening of,

Why the hell am I doing this?

If you don’t come up with an answer,

what’s the worst that could happen?

A wardrobe malfunction? A tech disaster

with your music or lighting cues?

(Who do you think you are having music

and lighting cues?) You could fall off the stage.

You could literally piss or shit yourself

if you can’t get out of your costume

quickly enough when you need the toilet.

When it’s time to go onstage,

know that you’re not ready but

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