Page 77 of Rules for Rule Breaking
Bobby let out an exasperated sigh. “I didn’t want to do any of this. You dragged me along on one of your crazy ideas, and now look at me! You just couldn’t stick to the itinerary I laid out. You can never leave well enough alone.”
Winter turned over a few times in her seat, trying to get comfortable. All she wanted to do was talk to Emmy and for Emmy to call her an idiot a few times.
“I didn’t force you to do anything. You were having fun for once in your life.”
Bobby sucked his teeth. “I’m not like you. I can’t just have a good time. I can’t just not worry about things. I care. About everything. Everything is hard for me.”
“It’s hard because you make it hard! What do you think is so easy for me?” Winter snapped. “We’re the same. We’re under all this pressure all the time, and we only have ourselves to blame for it.”
Bobby ran his fingers through his hair. “Why does it always feel like you’re trying to tear me down? You’re this constant reminder that I’m not smart enough, not Korean enough, not worthy enough for anything! I was excited to have another Korean kid to be friends with, but you decided you hated me before we’d ever even gotten to know each other!”
Winter threw her hands in the air. “Look, I’m sorry your parents didn’t teach you Korean, but that’s not my fault. And I’m sorry about your constant need for approval. It must be exhausting being you.”
“It is. Especially when I have to deal with you. If you want to be alone so bad, then maybe you deserve it.”
“At least if I’m alone it’ll be my choice.”
“So is that it?” Bobby asked. “If you’re going to go back to hating me, can I at least know why?”
Winter leaned her head on the window and watched absentmindedly as students stumbled home. Her eyes stung. “I don’t hate you. I just thought that you had changed and that I had changed, but it’s all too much. It’s all happening so quickly, and I don’t know what I’m doing. Not everything has to change. Some things are allowed to stay the same.”
“What are you so afraid of?” Bobby asked.
“Everything! Aren’t you afraid? How can I be the only one who’s scared?” Winter made herself small as she huddled against the door. “I thought that when people lose something importantto them, they try their best to hold on to whatever they have left, but when Nai Nai died, it was like Emmy couldn’t wait to leave me behind. Aren’t you guys scared to move to new cities? Aren’t you scared of things between us changing? I just want everything to go back to how it was. I don’t want whatever is happening between us, and I don’t even want to go to school in this stupid city. My parents should have never let me skip eighth grade. I had to start high school all alone as the weird smart kid, and I don’t want to do that again.”
Winter could see Bobby’s reflection in her window. He hung his head and said, “You can’t control everything anymore, Winter. Things need to change in order to grow, and you need to let them. You may not have written them all down like we did, but you have rules and parameters around every relationship in your life, including your relationship with Emmy. Like I said before, you’re completely incapable of meeting anyone halfway. If Emmy is changing, then change with her. If things between us are growing, then grow with me. I care about you. Can’t you just let me?”
“I can’t be what you need me to be,” Winter replied, her eyes transfixed on broken bottles on the curb. “I’m not ready for any of this.”
“Please look at me,” Bobby asked. He placed a hand over Winter’s, but she pulled away. “Please don’t shut me out, Winter. You know I can’t cope.”
She averted her gaze so she could no longer see Bobby’s reflection in the window.
“Fine,” Bobby said, his voice gruff.
Winter’s eyes misted over, and she wept silently.
It felt like only a few minutes had passed before Winter awoke with the sun. She had a rotten taste in her mouth, and her face was puffy from crying.
She looked over at Bobby, who was outside brushing his teeth. He spit and got back in the car.
Winter felt sick to her stomach. All she wanted was to go home, curl up in a ball, and hibernate until she forgot that Bobby Bae existed. She didn’t care if it took the rest of her life.
A call came through the Bluetooth, and Bobby picked it up. It was his parents.
“Bobby, where have you been?” Mr. Bae asked, his voice uncharacteristically stern. “We haven’t heard from you in over twenty-four hours; we were worried sick!”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Bobby said, his voice lifeless and grating to Winter’s ears. “I meant to call—”
“We’ve been calling you all night!”
“Where are you?” Mrs. Bae demanded.
“Sorry, my phone died, and I was too tired to drive, so we stayed the night. We’re leaving Boston now.”
“Why didn’t you find a phone yesterday to call us and let us know you were okay?”
Bobby sighed. “Winter and I were exploring the city, then we met up with Kai’s cousin, and we lost track of time. I’m sorry.”
