Page 77 of Don't Let Me Go
I reach out and take her hand. “You’re an incredible person. And I know someday you’re gonna meet an amazing guy who appreciates just how fucking incredible you are, and you are gonna be ridiculously happy. Because that’s what you deserve. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You really do.”
“I know,” she retorts with a laugh. “You don’t need to tell me what a prize I am. I am well aware that I’m a catch.”
“Of course you are,” I chuckle. “And given what a catch you are, I want you to know that I’mincrediblyflattered that you still care about me. I really hope that we can stay friends. That we’llalwaysbe friends.”
“I hope so too.”
“Right. But also...” I take a deep breath. Once again, it’sbite-the-bullet time. “A lot has happened over the past year. We’ve both changed a lot, I think. I know I have. And as tempting as it might be for us to go back to the way things were, I don’t think—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Micaela protests, snatching her hand away from mine. “I’m gonna stop you there. I amnotlooking to get back together.”
I blink in confusion. “You?.?.?.?aren’t?”
“Seriously?” She shakes her head, and her whole body rocks with laughter. “Jackson, you broke my heart! I donotget back together with boys who break my heart. I have a one-strike-you’re-out policy. So, as much as I care about you and as much as I will always care about you, I’m sorry, babe,you’re out.”
“Oh,” I say, feeling both completely embarrassed and oddly relieved by her rejection.
“I’m sorry if me driving all the way down here to surprise you gave you the wrong impression,” she continues, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “But like I said, I was legitimately concerned you’d be spending your birthday alone. If you’d told me that you had all these new friends, I never would’ve come. In fact, whydidn’tyou tell me?”
“I don’t know,” I confess. “I guess I thought maybe you wouldn’t?.?.?. approve?”
Micaela pulls a face. “Why? Because they’re all gay or queer or whatever? You know that half my aunts are lesbians, right? And though she’d totally deny it if you ask her, my mom would definitely go bi under the right circumstances.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh.
“Well, I’m glad you like my friends,” I tell her. “And I’m glad we’re both on the same page about—”
“Totally,” Micaela agrees. “Although, since you brought it up, can we maybe unpack that a little more? I mean, I know why I don’t want to getback together withyou. But just out of curiosity, why don’t you want to get back together with me? Do you seriously think you can do better?”
“Never,” I assure her.
“Well, don’t tell me that you’ve met someone else.”
I know she’s only teasing, but that doesn’t stop the heat from rising in my cheeks.
“Oh. My. Gosh.” Micaela’s jaw drops. “Youslut! Tell meeverything. Who is she? What’s she like? More to the point, when can I meet her and warn her that she is making the biggest mistake of her life?”
Something in my panicked expression must alert Micaela to the earthquake of anxiety that’s threatening to shake me apart from the inside out. Her eyes go wide with concern, and her tone instantly softens. “Whoa, relax! You know I’m joking, right? I would never talk shit about you to someone you’re dating. For real, babe, I’m just excited to meet her.”
“You’ve actually already met,” I force myself to say.
If I want a relationship with Riley—a real relationship where we’re more than friends and where he’s more to me than just a secret—I have to get comfortable telling people about him. Because if I can’t do that, if I can’t be honest about who I am with the people I trust and love, then I don’t deserve him.
“Met who?” Micaela asks.
I take a deep breath. “Riley.”
“Riley?” Micaela stares at me in confusion. Then her eyes fill with understanding. “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re...”
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “I’m still figuring that out. Although I kind of like ‘bi under the right circumstances.’?”
