Page 43 of Don't Let Me Go
Congratulations, Your Majesty, I text, trying to keep things breezy so I don’t screw up and hurt her feelings like I did last time.Will you be using your new powers for good or for evil?
MICAELA:For good, of course. The Kingdom of Cheer is a joyous and beneficent place.
JACKSON:As long as you always get your way?
MICAELA:Let’s just say it will behoove my people to keep their queen happy.
JACKSON:Good to know.
MICAELA:So how are you?Do anything exciting this week?
JACKSON:Not really. Watched movies with Aunt Rachel. Looked for a job. Went roller-skating.
MICAELA:Skating? Like, around your neighborhood?
JACKSON:No. At this place called Rink-O-Rama. They had an eighties night. It was a whole thing.
MICAELA:You are literally blowing my mind right now.
JACKSON:I think there’s an emoji for that.
MICAELA:For real? Skating? In public? Who are you?
JACKSON:I’m going with Jackson 2.0.
MICAELA:Ha! Does Jackson 2.0 have any pics?
I actually have an amazing photo of Riley and me at the rink. We’re standing between some blue fluorescent bulbs, so the lighting is dramatic but also flattering. We look like we’re members of a boy band posing for our album cover. If I hadn’t deleted all my social media, I’d definitely make it my profile pic.
Sending now, I text Micaela.
I start to attach the photo, but before I hit send, something stops me.
It’s my smile. Looking at the photo, I can sort of see what my aunt meant earlier. For the first time in a long time, I look happy. Really,reallyhappy.
Maybe too happy?
It’s possible I’m overthinking things, but if Micaela had moved halfway across the state because she needed “space” and “a new start,” I’m not sure I’d want to see a photo of her looking ridiculously happy with another guy.
Not that this photo of Riley and me is anything like that. He’s a friend.
All the same, I don’t want Micaela to think I replaced her overnight with a new set of friends or that I’m rubbing my newfound happiness in her face. Especially since I’m the reason she was unhappy for so long.
I’m waiting, she texts.
I can’t risk hurting Micaela’s feelings again. Not when things finally seem to be getting back to normal between us. Which means there’s only one thing to do. Using the photo editor on my phone, I crop Riley out of the picture and send her the shot of just me.
She writes back immediately.
MICAELA:Wow,looks like Jackson 2.0 is having a lot of fun.
JACKSON:He is. Though Jackson 2.0 is not a good skater.
MICAELA:Aww. Don’t worry. The next time I’m in Orlando, I’ll give you some lessons.
JACKSON:You’re on.
Based on Micaela’s reaction, it’s safe to say that cutting Riley out of the picture was definitely the smart thing to do, and I’m momentarily flooded with relief. But as I stare at the cropped image on my phone, I can’t help feeling something else. Something that feels a lot like guilt.
