Page 119 of Don't Let Me Go
“Maybe?.?.?.?maybe we could just break up for a month,” Riley suggests, his voice smaller than I’ve ever heard it. “Until I’m eighteen. Or maybe—”
He stops himself. There’s no point in pretending we have any option but the one Jocasta laid out for us. Not if we want to live to see nineteen.
Besides, even if we were able to trick the universe by breaking up and then getting back together after Riley’s birthday, we’d still spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders, wondering who or what might be coming for us. Riley already had a full-blown panic attack when he thought those guys at the mall were after him. I can’t put him through something like that again.
“We probably shouldn’t have any communication with each other for a while,” I force myself to say. “And we should avoid each other as much as possible at school in the fall.”
Riley nods, but I can see him struggling to hold back tears.
“We’ll have to tell the others that we had a fight. Maybe you could tell them about Devon. You could say that once you found out, you decided to break up with me. Tell them you confronted me, and I was a jerk about it, and you realized I wasn’t a good person.”
Riley shakes his head. “I couldneversay that.”
“We’ll have to tell them something.”
Riley looks back at his house. He’s silent for a long time. Then his face crumples and his voice cracks. “I can’t believe this is happening. You’re literally my fucking soulmate. How am I supposed to spend the rest of my life without you?”
I’ve been wondering the exact same thing. But I hold my tongue. One of us has to be strong. “You’ll find someone else.”
Riley looks at me like I’ve punched him in the face. It’s all I can do not to take him into my arms and kiss away his pain. But before I can let myself break, Riley slides out of my Jeep and hurries to his house. I watch him disappear inside, and as I do, a strange relief washes over me.
He’s safe now. That’s all that matters.
Even so, I rest my head against the steering wheel and let the tears pour out of me until I’m as empty and lonely as the night.
Chapter 47
Jackson
My phone buzzes. Again. Then again. Every few seconds, I hear it vibrating on my nightstand. With a groan, I pull my bedspread over my head to block out the noise. Whoever’s messaging me, I know it can’t be Riley. And if it’s not Riley, I don’t care who it is.
Even though it’s only a little after seven and the setting sun is still streaming through my window, I try to will myself to sleep. But it’s no use. The constant buzzing assaults my ears like a persistent mosquito.
With a sigh, I drag my head out from under the covers and grab my phone. I’m debating whether to silence it or hurl it across the room when I see I have a string of missed texts from Duy, Tala, and Audrey.
After three days of stalling, Riley must have finally told them we’ve broken up. They’re all asking what happened, if I’m okay, and if I need anything. Whatever reason Riley gave them for our split, I must not have come off as too much of an asshole. They’re being incredibly kind, insisting that they’ll be here for me whenever I want to talk.
Who knows, Tala writes optimistically,maybe this is just a bump in the road and you guys will get back together.
Even if it isn’t, Audrey follows up,you’re still our friend.
We LOVE you!!!Duy adds.
Messages of support continue to roll in faster than I can read them. In any other scenario, my heart would be swelling with gratitude. But my heart’s too broken to swell.
Besides, I need to be realistic. Cutting Riley out of my life meanscutting Duy, Tala, and Audrey out too. Trying to hold on to them while avoiding Riley would be impossible. I have to let them go.
They may be three of the best, funniest, weirdest friends that I’ve ever had, but what can I do? I have to make a clean break. Riley’s life depends on it. Not to mention my own.
Although right now, that life feels pretty fucking meaningless.
“Jackson?” My aunt’s voice, followed by a gentle knock on my door, startles me. “Are you sure you don’t want any dinner? I made sausage and peppers.”
I turn off my phone, pull the covers over my head, and pretend to be asleep.
I hear the door open and then my aunt sigh at the foot of my bed.
“Kiddo, I don’t know if you’re really asleep or if you’re just sick of me trying to cheer you up, but if it’s the latter, you should know that I am neverevergoing to stop trying to cheer you up,” she says, patting my foot through the bedspread. “How about you get up, and we’ll watch one of your terrible zombie movies? We don’t have to talk. We can just make popcorn and watch people get their brains eaten by the undead. How does that sound?”
