Page 100 of Don't Let Me Go
I shake my head. We both know that’s not true.
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty intern. I know you were really excited for me to come work with you, and I’ve been totally half-assingit. But I’m going to do better. From now on, I’m going to buckle down and work twice as hard. I promise.”
Dad takes off his glasses and massages the bridge of his nose.
“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about that,” he says. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been a bit low-energy around the office. A bit distracted. In fact, most days I’ve been getting the distinct impression that you’d rather be anywhere but here. So I wanted to check in and see how you were feeling about, well, everything.”
With a pang of guilt, I feel my entire body deflate in my cobalt-blue suit. I should’ve known this conversation was coming. You can’t show up for work every day acting like a depressed narcoleptic without people noticing. It’s honestly a testament to Dad’s patience that he didn’t say anything sooner.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, too ashamed to look him in the eye. “I’ll do better. I didn’t mean to disappoint you.”
“It’s not about disappointing me,” Dad says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s about making sure that you’re somewhere you want to be doing something that you want to do. Now, me, I love being a lawyer. I love the work I do, and I love sharing that work with you. But if that’s not what you want to do with your life, if there’s something else you’d rather pursue, I hope you know you can tell me. I’m not trying to turn you into a mini version of me. I want you to be your own person. You know that, right?”
I literally don’t know what to say. Dad always seemed so eager for me to follow in his footsteps. It never occurred to me that he’d be okay with me veering off on my own path. Especially when I don’t even know where that path would lead.
Maybe that’s why, even now when I’m being presented with this chance for freedom, it feels selfish to take it.
“The work you do is so important,” I say as shame washes over me.
“It is,” Dad agrees. “But it’s work I choose to do.”
“It feels wrong for me not to choose it too.”
Dad’s brow furrows in confusion. “Why?”
“Seriously? What kind of person would I be if I was like, ‘Yeah, I know the world is full of suffering and injustice, but I’m going to let my dad fight all those battles for me. Later!’?”
Dad puts on his glasses and shakes his head. “Ri, I knew the world was a mess when your mother and I chose to bring you into it. If anything, I’m the one with the responsibility to fight those battles and fix this country precisely so that you don’t have to grow up in the same mess that my generation did. That’s my job as a parent—to make the world a better and safer placefor you. Your only job is to live your life however you want and with whomever you want. That’s what I’m fighting for. For you to be the man you want to be. For you to behappy.”
I don’t have words to express everything in my heart right now. I pull Dad into another hug as a fresh round of tears stream down my face.
“Thank you,” I manage to whisper between sniffles.
“You don’t have to thank me,” Dad says. “You just have to live your life. I’ll be proud of you whatever you do.”
Chapter 40
Jackson
“This is the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen!” Riley whimpers, turning away from the TV, where a horde of zombies are gleefully disemboweling the president of the United States in the Oval Office. I wrap my arms around him and let out a laugh as he buries his face in my chest for protection.
When Riley and his friends asked how I wanted to spend my birthday do-over/coming-out party, I told them I wanted a simple, quiet, low-key evening at home, no roller-skating, no karaoke, no carnivals. I just wanted to order pizza and watch one of my favorite horror movies,Capitol Riot: Zombie Insurrection. Which, it turns out, is a lot bloodier than I remembered.
“Do you want me to turn it off?” I ask.
Riley shakes his head but nestles closer. “No, it’s okay, we can keep watching. But I think you might need to kiss some more courage into me?”
“Again?”
“Is that a problem?”
“Not for me.” I tilt Riley’s face up to mine and press my lips against his—which earns us a collective groan from the room. Then Duy, Tala, and Audrey pelt us with popcorn.
“Boo!”
“Gross!”
“Take it outside!”
