Page 29 of Never Always
“They say the worst thing that’s happened to you shapes you the most. The best thing that’s ever happened to you is dependent on the worst. The best doesn’t feel as satisfactory without the worst. Tell me the worst.” This is the way to his mind. I asked knowing full well it will be bad. Far worse than anything I’ve endured in my sheltered life.
“The accident that killed my mom, when I was ten. I was in the vehicle. Watched her die.”
My skin prickles. “Grange. I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect that. I wouldn’t have asked.”
“What did you expect? There are several other memories that compete. The second foster home I was in had a heavy-handed father figure. That was an enlightening year, but in the end, nothing really compares to watching your mother die in your arms and it being your fault.”
“My God,” I say, bringing a hand up to cover my mouth. Grange pulls it away. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t feel bad for me. That’s not what I want. Tell me then, how does that shape me?”
I’m embarrassed now. I didn’t expect a candy-coated memory, but this? No way in my wildest dreams did I think it would be something like this. “How could a car accident possibly be your fault at that age? There’s no way.”
He opens his arms. “Congratulations! You’ve met the impossible. I killed the only person who loved me. Truly loved me anyway. Other than Rexy, I suppose. Friendships are different though. He filled the holes that were reachable. The mother-sized hole will always be empty.” Corrick swallows hard. “It’s why I don’t kiss. Why I don’t form attachments. After Sierra, I vowed to keep relationships simple. I fuck things up.”
He’s waiting for my reply, but I don’t know what to say. How could I when I’m splashing in a kiddie pool against his deep, dark ocean? “It doesn’t have to always be that way. Time. You need more time, Grange. Maybe the accident,” I say, holding back tears. “Shaped you by making you appreciative of life. You save lives in your career. You give a whole nation freedom. You’re a hero.” He’s staring at me, eyes narrowed and I don’t know if he thinks what I’m saying is bullshit or if no one has ever told him this before, but I can’t stop now. “You couldn’t save her that day. You were a child. Now you’re a man who can take that horrible, life-altering experience and apply it for good. You save lives. Give yourself a break. You made one mistake and your ex is a vapid shrew. That’s the past.”
Grange breaks eye contact, focusing instead on the horizon and the brightly lit sky. “And the future?” he asks. It surprises me that he doesn’t challenge anything I said. He needed to hear it and by some act of God, I feel useful in a way I never have before. Touching his face, I bring his blue gaze back to meet mine.
“Is so bright you have to wear shades, baby.”
Grange laughs so loud it startles me. “Alright, Fire. You win this round.”
Chapter Ten
Tennyson
ITOLD GREYI was seeing Corrick and only Corrick on Monday after our morning meeting. He wasn’t surprised, but I did sense some hostility. Not anything out of the range of normal, though. The brisk signature line on research documents emails changed from warm regards to regards, and he didn’t refill the coffee pot when he killed it. We’re the only two who use the break room for coffee so I accepted it as a jab, bristled a bit, and moved on with my day. It seems men are only predictable in the sense that they’re unpredictable. I shudder to think how the atmosphere would be if we’d gone on a date and it proved an unsuccessful pairing. Cringing, I let that help me along in the awkwardness because I know Grey is not the guy for me. I saved us both from uncomfortable eye contact.
The week flew by and Grange completed all of his hours. He’s officially done with his sentence and back at the Teams as of next week. Rexy has a party planned for him tomorrow night—a bonfire at the beach on their base, Harbour Point. It will be the first time I’ve been there, and I’m nervous about being in completely foreign territory that’s restricted to the public. He’s assured me that it’s no big deal, but coming from small town U.S.A. where there isn’t a military presence, well, it’s scary to think about. That’s the reality of Grange, though. He’s not for public consumption.
Checking the time on my laptop, I see that it’s ten till five. It’s Friday, and usually that doesn’t mean anything. It’s a workday, but I have a date at Corrick’s house tonight and I have plans for the next hour and a half. It involves polishing every square inch of my body and standing in my closet until the perfect outfit jumps out at me. Reaching over, I power off my laptop and file away the notes for Monday. That’s right, I have no plans to work this weekend and it makes me giddy.
My phone is in the side drawer of the desk, and I see several messages from Sue-Ellen.
Flights are booked for Thanksgiving. We get there Wednesday. We’re staying at the same hotel as last time. I talked Daddy into giving me my own room so I don’t have to listen to him snore. Maybe Friday night I can stay with you? I want to know every single thing about the new man.
A few minutes later she texts again.
I know you’re at work, but you can at least tell me you’re happy for me and my negotiation skills if you want to avoid talking about your boyfriend.
Is that what Grange is? A boyfriend? That word is so cliché, and accepting that tag brings more questions than I know how to answer so no, I’m not going to call him my boyfriend. That’s a word reserved for teenagers.
I text her back.Was wrapped up at work. I’m looking forward to seeing you. Mom and Dad are going to freak when they see him. I promise he’s nothing like what you’ll assume by looking at him. He’s…more. Anyway, I’m leaving work now. I have a date with Grange tonight. He’s cooking dinner for me and then we’re going to watch a new documentary on Netflix.My stomach flips with the excitement of it all. Plans. Plans with a man. Plans with a mouthwatering man who makes me giddy.
Her reply is immediate.Netflix and chill, huh? You realize you aren’t going to watch any documentaries, Tennyson, right? You’re having sex tonight. Oh my gosh. I am so excited for you. More excited to hear everything. Me and Brian broke up and I’m fasting sexually. It sucks.
I’m not an idiot, I hope we’ll be intimate because being around him drives me crazy. My thumbs tap out a message, but I delete it before I can hit send. A noise startles me and I spin to face my office door. “Grey,” I exclaim.
“Are you leaving for the day?” His gaze darts to the bag on my desk and my lifeless computer screen.
I flash a warm smile. “I am. You should get out of here early, too. I emailed the final product to Ron. The lab techs are cleaning up now and heading out. It’s Friday!” My excitement seems out of place because I’m never this excited, in fact, I don’t think any of my co-workers have seen any emotion other than a pragmatic work ethic… ever. Grey looks tired, I realize. “Catch up on some sleep. I know we’ve been slammed lately.”
Eyebrows narrowed, and sunken eyes flick to my window. “Yeah, catch up on sleep,” he mutters. “Sounds like a blast.”
This is the point that I should stand up for my decisions because no one has the right to make me feel bad about my choices, but Grange arrives, barreling into my office like it’s his.
“Hey guys, it’s Friday,” he announces.
