Page 61 of Lust in Translation

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

KENDALL

THE SURGERY TO FIXor improve Leo’s hearing wasn’t a success. I guess the lab rats lied. The surgeons tried their best, and we knew going into it there was a high risk it wouldn’t work. I think both Leo and I knew it wouldn’t work. There was a follow-up appointment when they switched on the experimental device they implanted on the back of his head. I wanted the first words he heard to be me expressing my love for him. I said I loved him over and over. At least fifteen times before he kind of smirked at me, but tears formed in his eyes. Instead of speaking like he usually does, he does what he does when he can’t. He signed back to me instead. I knew he couldn’t hear my words.

Over the months, he has gained the ability to hear vibrations, which is a step in the right direction. If we play a song loud enough, he’s able to discern the low beats. Human voices still allude him. I took that into account when I selected the wedding song I’d walk down the aisle to. I figured I should at least use what I know he can hear, even if it’s not much. Aidan and my mom are with me in the church choir room as I fumble with my makeup, even though it was already done an hour ago. I’m getting ready to marry the man of my dreams, perfection is important.

I didn’t realize how many bittersweet memories this day would bring up. The new chapter in my life began the second my friendship started with Leo Callaway. The second time. While I was still married to Adam. I can’t think I cheated Adam even if I knew in my heart I’d be here, in an ivory-colored dress, marrying the man who stole my heart when I was seventeen and angry.

For me, the marriage to Adam was more than a vow or a commitment. It was the warmth of a baby on my chest. The sweet coos and smiles of a newborn. Sharing the joy in a mutual accomplishment. The marriage held everything I dreamed of. The vows were lies. My dream wasn’t real. Real is a feeling. A vow backed by indescribable love. A commitment made because of what could be. No expectations. Leo is love. I’m disgusted with myself for the wreckage of the past, but one can only move forward with the intelligence experience brings.

“Mom, I’m so nervous.” I rub the lace of my dress between my fingers. It’s a floor-length, mermaid-style gown that hugs my body and flares out from my knees to the floor.

“Baby, you have been ready for this day for a long time. Longer than is legal, if I had to wager a bet.”

I smirk as Aidan shakes his head. “That boy. I fucking called it!”

“Language,” my mom scolds, covering Weston’s ears. I take my little brother, clad in a tux, from her arms and sit him on my lap. He’s playing with an old cellphone Aidan deactivated because he kept stealing theirs. He’s pretending to call someone chattering away in his little toddler voice. It’s adorable and my heart squeezes.

Mom lays a hand on my bare shoulder. “I know I’ve told you before, but everything happens for a reason. Especially the bad stuff. This probably isn’t the time, but tell me where would you be right now if Noel would have been born?”

I’m not sad at the memory of her any longer. I welcome it. It’s the real thing from my failed marriage. I think about what she’s asking me. Truly consider all of the possibilities. “I’d probably have a flower girl today, Mom.” It was never Adam. I know that clear as day now. I would have come to the same conclusion eventually.

My mom smiles sadly. “I knew it. You’re doing the right thing. Following your heart. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, okay? This is about you finding your happiness, because God knows you deserve it.”

I drop a kiss on Weston’s head and give his hair a sniff. “I love the way he smells,” I admit, handing him back to my mom. “I might want one of these little guys one day, after all.”

“It’s funny how the right guy in your world will turn everything you thought you wanted or believed on its head. Just don’t wait until you’re as old as me. Everything hurts. I’m always tired.” She laughs, hugging my brother to her chest. He goes willingly as Aidan looks on fondly. “I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. You and your brother are my greatest gifts.”

“I love you guys so much. Thank you for being here with me today.”

Aidan hugs me. “It’s time to get you down that aisle. Don’t be nervous. I’m nervous enough for both of us.”

Mom laughs. “Come on, honey. A wedding surely can’t make you nervous.”

“No one looks at me when I’m on missions. Everyone in that room will be looking at me.”

I chuckle. “No, Dad. They’ll be looking at me.” I wave my hands down my body to the intricate gown. “Or they better be for how much this thing costs.”

He nods. “You’re right. You look so beautiful.”

“It’s a shame your father couldn’t make it,” Mom says, voice caustic. The man who cheated on her and made her life hell is absent today. Not because I didn’t invite him. Because he found out I’d asked Aidan to walk me down the aisle and he didn’t want to be embarrassed in that way. It’s his loss. He’s never made an effort to keep in touch with me after the divorce. He’s an irritable, unhappy man, and honestly, I never needed that kind of energy in my world.

“Don’t even mention him. I have everyone here who means the most,” I say, clearing my throat. Mom kisses my cheek, wishes me good luck, and takes Weston into the church to take her seat. Juliet bounces in the room to yell “It’s time.” She is my maid of honor, but she is also organizing everything, so she wasn’t much help while I was getting ready. It’s why I had my mom here.

“We’re on our way,” I tell my friend.

Her smile is big, it’s anI told you sogrin. I don’t hate she was right. I hate she didn’t shove Leo in my face earlier. I take Aidan’s arm, and we open one side of the creaky wooden French doors. It’s only several steps away to the entrance to the quaint chapel room, so we take it slow. “Halfway down the aisle,” I remind Aidan.

“Got it, sweetie,” he says, squeezing my hand as we take the final step to the entrance, and into view. Juliet walks down first, and all the guests remain sitting. Which was requested of them when they were given the wedding program as they entered. There’s a surprise I have for Leo, and it’s what has my whole body shaking with unease. I can do this. It’s for him. I’m not good at public speaking, and this is on the same level. I see Leo waiting for me, his hands clasped in front of him. His happiness is so evident even his eyes are smiling. That gorgeous man is all the reassurance I need.

The music starts, a symphony of music that isn’t the standardHere Comes the Bride. In fact, it’s nothing like what anyone expects, and I can see a few people lean in to whisper something to the person next to them. Juliet controlled the guest list, so there are a ton of people here. A lot of guests on Leo’s side are wearing uniforms. The small chapel is lit from a huge stained-glass window above the pulpit,and asAidan walks me to the halfway point, I’m confident my decision is perfect. This couldn’t happen any other way. Traditionally, Aidan would hand me off to Leo, but he leans over to peck my cheek, moves the rest of the way to shake Leo’s hand, and takes his seat next to my mother. I stand alone, in the center of the aisle, all eyes on me. Leo looks around, a bit confused, but then I start signing so he can hear the wedding song I chose.

“Take my hand. Own my heart.”

I take a step toward him, only keeping my gaze on him as I sign the words being sung in a sweet harmony he is incapable of hearing. I will the music into his soul by other means.

“It’s been yours from the start.”

---