Page 18 of Lust in Translation

He rounds the conversation back to one earlier in the day. “Maybe,” I reply. “Probably shouldn’t, though.”

“Why?” he asks, challenging.

“Honestly? Look at us right now. We look like lovers embracing on a cold winter night. The ambience of the cranberry bog endearing and the star-filled sky alluring. I’m a married woman. It’s not right,” I say, recalling Adam’s fears from earlier. “I should put his desires above a friendship with you. I should respect his wishes. I should want to quell his fears legitimately instead of using sex.” I tip my chin up and play connect the dots with the Little Dipper, and sigh.

“But,” Leo says.

“You know what. I don’t care what I should do. Talking to you makes me feel like me.”

“We can’t go back in time, Kid. There’s no way to transform into the person you used to be. Don’t let the nostalgia lead you astray or be an excuse for a decision you’ll regret later.”

My eyes wander to another constellation, Draco. Anything to busy my mind and distract me from the awareness of being warmed by his embrace. “You’re saying you’ll regret being my friend?”

“I’m saying you’ll regrettryingto be mine.”

I gulp. “Making assumptions big time there, buddy.”

He sighs and releases me a bit. “When are you going back to Bronze Bay?” Effortless change of subject.

“Summer,” I say, nodding. “Definitely when it’s so hot my feet will scorch on the beach sand.” I love Cape Cod and the seasons, but I miss my mom and the beach—the Florida beach. The beaches here are these tiny little rocky things that might fit fifteen people if you lay your towel so close to the next person you can smell their sunblock. The shoreline is different because of the climate. There’s really no comparison. People don’t live here for the beaches.

“Solid,” Leo replies. “I should get back there soon, too.” Thoughts of us together, in Bronze Bay pop up, and I have to squash them because what others would think—because of what it would look like. Adam will never understand this.

“You really think talking to Adam is going to help?” I ask.

He moves his head back and forth. When he leans it my way, his chin brushes my cheek. Butterflies infiltrate my stomach. “He’s a man, so he’s going to naturally hate me, but despite the person some think I am, I’ll never fuck around with someone else’s girl. I’ll make sure that’s clear.” Leo lifts and lowers his shoulders. “Can’t do much more than that.”

“Comforting,” I say. “A real gentlemanly comment. You’d win a Nobel Prize for morality.”

He chuckles under his breath. “It’s not easy being sleazy.”

“You can’t be that gross. Do you have a girlfriend? If you do, I feel like you wouldn’t be here alone. If you don’t, I think Adam will hate our friendship even more.”

“If I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t bring her here. It’s cold as fuck.” Leo shivers to drive his point home, huge grin on his face. “I don’t. Not anymore. It was, ah, complicated for a while.” His whole body flinches as he takes his next breath. Not because it’s seventeen degrees either.

“She sounds like a real nice lady,” I return. Jab where I can to lighten the mood. Friends can do that.

He smiles awkwardly. “Nice isn’t a word I’d use to describe her. Clingy. That’s a good one.” He nods. “It’s a small town.” He gestures to the farm next to us and the desolate woodlands that surround the bog. “Smaller than Bronze Bay. It makes dating tricky.”

“Wait, what you really mean is it makes avoiding chicks after you’ve fucked them tricky?”

He smiles with his eyes. “Something along those lines.” Leo coughs into his fist. “She didn’t want to break up, and I knew it wasn’t going anywhere.”

That makes my chest hurt. For the girl. “How did you know it wasn’t going anywhere?”

He shifts positions as his arm falls away from my shoulders. Leo turns his head to meet my gaze. His face is illuminated by the light posts surrounding the property. Somehow, I know what he says next isn’t the truth, and he doesn’t want to be honest with me. “Sometimes you just know. It was fine, at first, but after a few months I knew the spark wasn’t there.”

“The spark won’t always be there, Leo. Sometimes you have to light matches, throw kindling on the extinguished flames…work for it. What do you think happens after a few decades of marriage? Sparks aren’t flying. My counselor will tell you that.”

“You still have the spark with Adam?” Leo counters.

I clear my throat and the cold air burns. I don’t answer right away.

“Seems to me that if you think a spark can be created from nothing, then you have nothing to worry about. Your marriage is fine.”

He’s right. “I’m an awful person. I needed to hear this. Thank you.”

“Hey, hey, hey. I’m not giving you advice, I’m just calling truths like a goddamn referee. That’s my specialty.” He grins, but I see the pain behind his eyes as he looks off into the distance. “Seems you don’t have anyone willing to be honest with you.”

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