Page 20 of Tossing It

That might be worth the exhaustion, her text comes, and then another,I have to go. Sorry. A van arrived to take Mom and I’m going to go home to pack some things.

It’s going to be a good thing, I remind her.Don’t be scared. Call me if you need anything. Or just swing by.

She doesn’t reply, but I remind her where my condo is and offer to swing by tonight if she asks me to.

Sutter, who was reading over my shoulder this entire time I was wrapped up in Malena cackles like a drunken clown. “Dude, you are so fucking chained. When did this happen? You’ve kept a good ass secret man. Not like Tahoe. What is in this fucking water? Turning men into pets left and right,” he whoops out, bent over laughing.

I click the side button to darken my cell phone’s screen. “Fuck off, Sutter.” “No fuck you, man. Do you guys have balls left? These chicks aren’t anything special. I’ve dicked plenty of them and walked away unscathed. What is it about them that makes them so desirable? The southern drawl? The coconut laced hair shampoo? The tans? These small town ladies are the Kryptonite of this whole fucking SEAL Team.” Sutter shakes his head. “I need to get back to San Diego where the women are women and the men stay men. I’m surrounded by pussies and I can’t fuck any of them.”

“Calm your tits, dude. Maybe if you had a woman to go home to at night, you wouldn’t be such an asshole all the time.”

“What is it about her then? Explain,” Sutter says, sitting in an office chair, and scooting toward me until we’re knee to knee. “Make me understand.”

Swallowing hard, I blow out a breath. “You’re serious? I just came from lunch with my sisters. I don’t think I’m ready for this kind of conversation. I haven’t even had sex with her so I don’t want to call it before the ref does, man.” It’s a slight lie because I already know sex with Malena will be amazing because the chemistry is off the motherfucking charts. “There’s nothing to understand, really. Why do you care? You’re a bachelor for life. Don’t worry about what I’m doing.”

Sutter shakes his head. “No. Not for life. But it’s not going to be some small town chick to keep me. These women have never seen outside this place.” He’s generalizing, but he knows it. I don’t need to remind him.

Narrowing my eyes, I ask, “How is that a bad thing?”

Sutter appears to actually consider my question instead of slinging an insult.

I go on, “Listen, they sent me here for a break. It’s why most of us are here. I don’t know about you, but since the war began, I haven’t even paused to consider what might be good for me. What I wanted outside of the Teams, what would fulfill and make me happy. Have you?”

Sutter looks at me with wide eyes, shaking his head. “You’ve turned into a pussy before you tapped it. I didn’t know it was possible. I’m witnessing the death of your manhood right now.”

I roll my eyes. “Fuck you, Sutter. I thought you wanted to be serious for half a second. I want to help Malena and…I like her,” I say, turning away from him to read emails on our server.

“It’s the hero complex,” Sutter says. “Once she’s saved, you’ll get bored and join the fuck team again. That’s what it is. I’ve diagnosed you. Go forth and swoop in with your red cape and awesome biceps. Fuck a few times, then return to me wiser and stronger.”

“You’re wrong,” I say, praying to God he’s not right. He makes sense in the fucked up way only Sutter can make sense.

“I’m not wrong. I’ll be here waiting.”

For the first time, I don’t want to be on whatever team Sutter is on. I don’t think I was ever the angry, single asshole that he is, but I might have been. I pull up the itinerary for skydiving on Friday and save the few emails that contain details about the whereabouts ofmybad guy.

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