Page 19 of Tossing It

Celia looks crestfallen, and I feel a touch of guilt for being so rash, but I can only take so much from them. “Listen, I got her into Garden Breeze when they were pulling from the insanely long wait list. You owe me. Remember that.”

Hanging my head, I sigh. “I’m sorry. Eva just pisses me off with her questions. Why does it matter? Can’t I want to do something for someone of the opposite sex without her jumping the gun?”

“Does Malena know that you…care about her?”

Oh. “I’m helping her. That has to be some indication.”

Celia shakes her head. “You are so bad at this. She probably thinks you feel bad for her or something. You’re not a bad guy, Leif.” Celia lays a hand on my arm. “You are worthy of someone’s love. The first step is admitting to yourself that you care for Malena. That’s what all of this is. You realize that right?” She waves her arm between us. “You wanting the best for a personshecares about. Paying for it. Giving a damn about things other than yourself is a prime indicator. You don’t have to admit it to us, but you need to admit it to yourself. Life is too short.”

I nod. Mostly to halt the conversation, but I hear truth in her words and while it does scare me, I’m already there. The time to flip a bitch passed, and now I’m stuck with feelings and unsure what the fuck to do with them.

Eva and Shirley are visible through the diner windows and through Shirley’s exaggerated gestures I can only assume my evil sister is getting a rundown on my dating rules. Fuck. Closing my eyes, I mount my moped. “Thank you, Celia. For everything. It means a lot to me.”

“Because it means a lot to Malena,” Celia adds. “Drive safe, scooter McGee.” She ruffles my hair before I smash the helmet down on top of it. Celia walks away, back to the diner to get caught up no doubt, and I make my way back to work.

The sea salt air clears my mind and I try to simplify my world to the lowest common denominator. I can have my work and Malena. I can stay in Bronze Bay. That doesn’t require any huge sacrifices on either of our parts. I care about Malena and her life, but I know for a fact my sister is right. I wouldn’t do this for anyone in my past. Malena needs me and I want to be needed by her. Because I care about her heart.

What’s going to happen when I sleep with her? The rules will be fucked, that’s what, and there will be nothing to guard me…or her. After I show my ID to the gate guard, I find my spot while contemplating my future.

“Hey man,” I tell Sutter as I walk into the office and toss down my gym bag. “Anything going on?”

“Nah. Skydiving on Friday. I can’t fucking wait. It’s been so long. I need to keep up on my quals for when I get back to a west coast team,” he mutters while scrolling through updates on our top-secret network. To get the clearance for our system is time-consuming and painstaking. Setting it up was the longest part of the process when we moved to Bronze Bay. It gives us all of the information we need in real time and keeps our emails safe. Sutter can’t wait to leave here.

Settling into a chair, I open my laptop and check out the website for Garden Breeze and find the phone number. Dialing it, I walk into the empty conference room and make arrangements for Ms. Winterset’s stay and give them the indefinite payment information. I also tell them not to make my information public. I’m sure Malena will assume, but I don’t want my generosity to be in her face. Then she’ll read into it, and we’ll both have to confront what such an act actually means. The girl on the phone is helpful and promises me Ms. Winterset is expected this afternoon when she’s discharged from the hospital.

Malena is going to need me to help her. Be there for her. My heart races when I think about seeing her again and it’s asinine to even me. It was just last night that the whole broken wrist debacle took place. More, it’s when I knew that no matter what happened, I wasn’t going to be able to turn my back on her in any way shape or form.

As I hang up the call with Garden Breeze, I get a text from Malena telling me she called out of work today because she was at the hospital all night long—is still there. It’s a long paragraph thanking me for pulling strings to get her into the facility and how she’s going to repay me. Malena feels guilty, I can tell through word choice, but mostly she sounds tired—ready to do the inevitable.

I text back.Don’t mention it. It was nothing getting her in. She needs to be there, she’ll be happy. Celia says it’s the best place around. Try not to worry. You’ll have to get as many of her medical records to them when you get a chance. Tell me if you need anything else. I’m sorry about last night. While I wouldn’t have fucked her—I didn’t have a condom on me, I would have made her toes curl multiple times if we weren’t interrupted. I have to keep reminding myself there will be plenty of time.

Her reply is swift.Last night was simultaneously the best and worst night of my life. But don’t quote me on that because I’m running on about thirty minutes of sleep. I’m going to get Mom settled in at Garden Breeze and then I’m going to sleep for a decade.My mood deflates as my hope to see her tonight is crushed like a tiny bug.Think about her. Not yourself.This is an enormous step she’s making. It will leave her alone in her house. That’s going to be a vast change from what she’s used to.

I keep it easy, happy, my thumbs flying to tap out the message.If you need company. Let me know. I’m only a bike ride away. Though, I’ll probably take my moped now that I’m not stalking you.I expect a serial killer joke to follow.

She doesn’t respond as quickly, though.I want to see your house.

I swallow hard.Yes. Come over.

I might have to leave a toothbrush there.

I grin. “Not allowed ?In reality, Malena could leave a limb at my house if it meant she was there, in my space—my bed.

Can’t come then. Sorry.

You can use mine, I counter.

That’s abhorrent, Leif. I can’t be your friend anymore.

Fine. Bring a toothbrush as long as you take it with you when you go. I didn’t know we were ‘friends.’

Such a swift kick in the ass. You charmer, you. What would you call me if not a friend?

My heart rate ratchets up to adrenaline junkie mode. It doesn’t make sense, but I’ll over analyze it later. I slink back into my office chair. Sutter says something to me, but I’m too lost in my thoughts to respond to him. Grinning at my phone, I text,Mine. I’d call you mine.My dick rises to the occasion, making me uncomfortably aware that while she may be mine, I have yet to stake my claim in a consummate way.

While I’d typically reject such a strongly worded statement, I’m so tired that it actually pleases me to read it. Being yours has a nice ring to it.

Good. I’ll make it official when you come over.

---