Page 54 of Keeping It
I think of all the things left unsaid, all of the sadness and grief after my accident. How angry I was with him for breaking my heart. He’s mending it, or at least trying to. He’s dangling an olive branch in front of me in the form of a lifetime commitment. I blink a few times to make sure I’m not dreaming, and he’s still there, still as handsome as ever, and still holding my hand. As I look at the beautiful diamond on my finger, and then his eyes as he awaits my response, I know that I feel the same way as he does. My fresh start doesn’t look the way I thought it would. It looks like something out of my dreams. A kiss the sky, blue hue, dream come true. “This isn’t just a grand gesture to apologize?” I ask, my voice wavering.
He sighs, then grimaces. “Would sky writers be too grand?”
I widen my eyes, horrified. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” Tahoe says, laying a hand on my knee. “I wasn’t even sure you’d show up today. I hoped you would.” He rubs the bare skin on my thigh, and a shiver hits me, reminding me of the monster in the room. Unchecked Desire. “Marry me and let’s define happily ever after for ourselves,” he says.
“You’re sure?” I ask. I’ve loved him in every way you can possibly love a human. I think I’ve also hated him in every possible way you can hate a human. “I love you, Tahoe, and while this is probably the best way to earn my parents’ love and respect back,” I say, pausing, trying to think of how best to phrase what I want to say.
In the pause, he slides forward, between my knees and pulls me forward for a kiss. My eyes flutter closed as every sense in my body is wracked with Tyler Holiday. With one hand, he works my head, to tilt toward him, slanting his lips over mine. After feeling nothing for so long, feeling everything is almost too much to bear. I can’t control anything except my need for him, and it’s peak. Prime. I break the kiss to utter, “I love you so much.”
My confession sends him into primal mode. He grabs me under my ass and picks me up from the chair. A second later, I’m on my back on his bed, the coolness of the duvet in stark contrast to the fire raging from my face down to my toes. My flip flops fall to the floor, as I scoot back on the bed. “I couldn’t wait another second to taste you,” he says, brushing my blonde tangle of hair from my face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for that,” I reply. “Kiss me more,” I say, mesmerized by the ethereal quality of the moment. I love this man so much.
I lift my head, seeking his mouth, but he leans away. “You didn’t answer my question.” There’s a sly hint to his voice.
Can it really be that simple? I say yes, and everything unfolds the way I imagined six months ago, minus a veil? Would everything work out? Running my hands down his face and neck, I relish the feel of him under my palms. I wasn’t okay living without him. Even if I convinced myself my misery wasn’t tied to him, my happiness rests next to him. I’m sure of that, and it’s a start. “Will I marry you and let you save my virginity from the dark corners of Bronze Bay?” I ask.
“If you want me to take it now, I will,” he says, his smile falling. “Whatever you want, Caroline. Say the word. I’ll take it.” He leans down, and drags his lips across my neck. He’s tense now—body rigid, and he wasn’t before. It means something to him.
It. Means. Something. To. Him.
I never considered that before. My virginity means something special to him. His kiss on my neck is tender and molten at the same time. I take his face in my hand and shift him so he’s looking down at me, his blue eyes hesitant and turned on. I lean up and kiss him gently on his mouth. Neither of us close our eyes. We watch this magic moment. A moment that when you consider all things, shouldn’t be happening.
“Save it for our wedding night, big man.”
I’ll never forget his smile, that particular one, for as long as I live.
Or the orgasms he gave me with his tongue directly following.
Chapter Twenty
Tahoe
Caroline is naked in my bed. I can die a happy man. If today is the last day earth exists, I’d smile and wave on my way out. She makes me deliriously happy and I’m almost shocked at how seamlessly the proposal went. She walked right into it. Her hand, the one with my diamond on it, is resting on my chest, and it feels like my heart has finally found its lost rhythm. She said yes. Caroline is mine. If I could, I’d throw her over my shoulder, take her out to the docks and marry her this instant, just so I can be sure she won’t change her mind. A sweet sigh escapes and my thoughts switch. We have to do this right. The proper way. Get one thing right in the sea of fucking disasters I created in my quest for perfection.
“Was Malena supposed to send me inside when she did?” Caroline says.
Chuckling under my breath, I let her take from that what she will.
“This whole thing? The party? Was it to get me here?” Now she sits up, propping her head on her hand. Caroline strokes me, her finger nails cutting figure eights across my chest. I have to hold my breath. Her touch feels like a fire on a cold day. Like coming home after a brutal deployment. The safe place I always wanted. Holding her close would be my dying wish. “Well, the party was the mayor’s idea, and I did go along with it because I knew if everyone was here, maybe you’d show up.”
“My parents were in on it, too,” she says, growling while she pinches one of my nipples.
“Ouch!” I bite. “I asked them to tell you about it and coaxed them to get you here any chance I could, but I didn’t expect you to listen to them. Your mom said you were worse off than you’ve been in a while. It truly was a surprise to see you walking up the drive.” I watched, from one of the upstairs windows as each person walked through the entrance of the property.
She’s thoughtful, her blue eyes downturned, and her bottom lip caught between her teeth. “But you had this ring,” she says, looking at her hand. “How long have you had it? If you didn’t plan on asking me today?”
I swallow hard. “Since New York.”
Her face drops, and I know I’ve surprised her. “Why didn’t you call me or text me from New York? Whatchanged? You broke up with me before you left!”
Deciding how much to tell her is tricky. The very last thing I want right now is the ruin the moment. I also don’t want to lie in any shape or form. “I found closure in New York, and I guess you could say, it took a little distance to realize what I wanted. Caroline,” I say, using one finger on her chin to direct her gaze to mine. She raises her brows. “When I want something and make a decision, that’s it. I’m not changing my mind, and this wasn’t some spur of the moment proposal. I asked you to marry me because I’m certain there’s no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
She smiles, and it warms the icy confines of my heart. There was a point when I was so angry I thought I might not ever be able to look at Caroline May again. Or if I did see her, I’d feel nothing but bitter rage. She did what no other woman had done. Ignored me. Let me stew in my bad decisions. I found myself outside of my career again, without any interruptions except the Caroline sized hole in my heart.
I should have known better, I’ll never look at her with anything except love. And respect. And with the fucking desire of a thousand suns. Her beauty stuns me—forces me to accept how delicate I’ve become outside of the SEAL arena.
She gazes at her hand, turning it so the stone catches the light. “Never would have imagined I’d be in your bed wearing an engagement ring today. I came here today to try to start my life. After the accident,” she says, pausing and swallowing hard. “I thought I’d lost everything. They weren’t sure I’d be able to walk without a cane, or if my body would heal the way it was supposed to.” Her eyes meet mine. “And that terrified me, because I have no clue who I am outside of the persona I created for myself. Throw in a breakup and I was floundering to understand the point of everything.”
