Page 35 of Soldier Cowboy
Bonnie laughed. “But nothing. It’s just…from where I stand the relationship looks lopsided between you two. Now, I have plenty of experience with this. Twenty years ago, when we first met, Sean loved me more than I loved him. I was sixteen, stupid, and flighty. He knew from the moment he met me that he loved me and wanted marriage and children for us. It took me a bit longer to get there. Now, some days I know I love him more than he loves me.”
“I doubt that.”
“It’s because I came so close to losing him for good and it’s okay. I know from experience it will even out again. Some days, we’re both in the same place and honestly, it’s overwhelming. Like I might die from all the happiness. Other days, somebody just has to love a little bit more.”
“Like a balance?”
The idea sounded wonderful and were she in a real relationship, she could definitely appreciate it. Especially compared to obsession.
“Yes, exactly. And that’s why I can see that at the moment, Colton loves you far more than you love him. And because he’s like my own brother, I worry.”
“I…I think you’re wrong. We just got engaged and I—”
“Exactly.That’swhy I’m worried.”
“Don’t worry, I love him.”
Honestly, it was beginning to feel a little bit true.
Whowouldn’tlove Colton? He was loyal, strong, and kind. He loved his family and would clearly lay his life down for a friend. Then there was that whole other thing he had going on with the extremely good looks, which she was notweighingheavily in his favor. Because that would be shallow. But those smoldering looks sure didn’t hurt anything, either.
“Okay.” Bonnie sighed with relief. “Whew, I feel so much better now. We were all so worried about Colton.”
It was exactly as Jennifer had feared. Colton didn’t want them to worry, and he was right to assume they would.
“You were? But why? He’s socapable.”
“I remember the young kid who’d finally found a home with Marge and Cal. He was the youngest, so he barely remembered his parents. All he’d experienced was a succession of relatives who bounced them from one home to another until they wound up in foster care. All the brothers have a bit of abandonment issues but none more so than Colton.”
Jennifer swallowed hard and her stomach pitched and roiled. She did not like picturing that sweet little boy she’d seen in photos worried he’d be left yet again.
She wasn’t helping Colton at all but possibly harming when she abandoned him. Her only hope was that he wouldn’t make an investment in her. Bonnie Lee was wrong about her assumptions that Colton loved her. She was only seeing what she expected to see. He cared about her, sure, and wanted to keep her safe from an unstable man.
Maybe this was a gift. Later, Jennifer could say she’d listened to Bonnie Lee and decided to slow things down. That would be her “out” and the reason she’d leave.
“You’re still getting to know each other. Sounds like this all happened…fast.”
“Do you think that wasn’t such a great idea? Rushing into it?”
“Not at all. You both seem to be in a good place and if it works, it works. You look like the kind of woman who honors her commitments.”
“Yes, I am.” Jennifer swallowed hard.
She was, in fact, exactly that kind of a woman, which is why leaving her life had been so difficult. She’d abandoned her listeners, and her sponsors. The few friends she had left.
Next, she would have an entirely new group of people who would be terribly unhappy with her when she left Colton.
Stop caring what other people think about you.
The words had been Colton’s, and really, wasn’t this how she got into this predicament? Mistakenly caring whatDanthought of her. She reminded herself that Bonnie, Sean, and Delores were strangers to her, and she didn’t owe them anything. Even if it didn’t feel that way. She felt accepted and welcome and as if she’d found a second family.
“The truth is,” Bonnie said. “we’ve all been worried about Colton for quite a while. The army was the right place for him no doubt, but it also changed him.”
Jennifer hated to hear that. But she understood how active duty could alter someone’s perspective. The same thing had happened with Joe.
“It happens to a lot of soldiers.”
“And I don’t think Sean would mind me sharing this with you, after all you’re Colton’s fiancée now. It isn’t fair if you’re kept in the dark until he decides he’s ready to share. I know how that can be. This is too important.”
