Page 36 of Soldier Cowboy
Bonnie took a seat on the couch.
“The truth is, Colton joining the service caused a rift between him and Riggs. Unfortunately, I had a firsthand seat for the drama. Sean was always the proverbial middle child brokering the peace between the two brothers. And Colton and Sean are the closest, too, for obvious reasons. Ever since Colton came back, we all know Riggs is not convinced he’ll stay. I have to admit, your engagement went a long way toward convincing him that Colton may actually stick around this time. For so many years, even though he had leave from the army, Colton never came home. The last time I saw him was at his father’s funeral. There was somewhat of a blowup at that time when Riggs realized that Colton would re-up for even more time. For Riggs, it’s always been about family. Family first and foremost, and for a long time the brothers were the only family any of them had.”
“But now?”
“Well, Winona came along, and Riggs is now the father of three. He has Sean, but he also wants and needs Colton’s help and loyalty. It would be nice to know he’s going to stick around.”
“He’s given me every indication that he will. That’s why we’re here.”
“Sean and I worried he’d only come here for the wedding. We know he wouldn’t miss that. Sean has wanted him home many times before but only our wedding got him here.”
“It’s not just the wedding. You should have seen him with his horse. I think he missed his home.”
“Then why didn’t he come back sooner?”
“Maybe…maybe he first wanted you all to know that he’s fine. In my experience, sometimes soldiers know their families will be the first ones to notice if there’s something missing. And a brother would know before anyone else would. Or a sister.”
It was why Joe had stayed away from their family, and especially from her. She would be able to see right through him and know he wasn’t okay. Not fully functioning. And at one time, he hadn’t even believed he deserved help.
“Those were my thoughts as well. Sean would know and even Riggs would see if Colton was struggling.”
And then Jennifer knew what Bonnie Lee really wanted to hear. It was the entire reason she’d agreed to this farce, and it felt good to know she could help in some small way.
“Colton and I have a very, um, solid relationship, and I think I’ve been good for him. Coming from a military family and that dynamic, I understand more than most women would. He feels comfortable with me, and I think that’s how…uh, how we fell in love so quickly.”
“That makes sense.” Bonnie stood and moved to the door. “I feel so much better about all this, which is a good thing. Tomorrow is my meeting with the Ladies of SORROW and the old-fashioned gifting of the marriage quilt. It’s kind of like a wedding shower.”
“Are you reallydoingthat?”
“Oh, we all do. And it’s my family. My Aunt Beulah is their official ‘president.’” Bonnie held up air quotes. “And it’s all meant in the spirit of community. You should come, so you’ll see what you have in store when it’s your turn. Winona is coming and it would be nice to have you there, too. We’re all three going to be sisters, after all.”
“Right.”
Jennifer followed Bonnie to the door.
Once she was gone, Jennifer locked the door and double-checked it twice. She couldn’t afford to get complacent, not after the emails she’d read. She had to talk to Colton the moment he returned. Not only had Dan made more threats, but Colton should also know that his family was seriously worried about him. And if he told Sean, he’d tell Bonnie Lee. She’d tell Winona, who would undoubtedly tell Riggs.
Maybe itwasn’ttime to tell anyone the truth.
CHAPTER10
Colton had every intention of telling Sean about his fake engagement and the reasoning behind it. He’d been trying to find the perfect time to bring up the subject between moments of riding in the back of the ranch’s weathered pickup truck and unloading bales of hay.
“Brings back memories, doesn’t it?” Sean laughed, stopping the truck to help pitch a bale of hay for the horses. “Thought it would be more fun this way.”
Colton shoved another one out. “I was driving the truck at fourteen, so yeah, good memories.”
“Sure have missed you around here.”
He didn’t know how to tell Sean, arguably also his closest friend, that he’d stayed away because every time he came home, he lost his edge. Coming home made it all the tougher to get back to a mission he questioned more with each passing day. Delores remained the only tie left to strong memories of his parents, to their kindness, big heart, and sense of family. Unconditional love. All of these had no place in this soldier’s head except to keep them in mind as an end goal. In the meantime, he’d made a commitment to the US Army and stayed alive to honor it.
Riggs might never know it but his tough talk about loyalty to family still rang in Colton’s head like a nonstop lecture. He’d failed to honor one commitment while making room for another. There hadn’t been space for both and some days the guilt pressed and weighed on him, not allowing him to breathe. He’d made a mistake staying away from home for so long. This was what he wanted, to be here in the quiet of Hill Country and the beauty of the land. With Freya. Why had he ever chosen a different life? Well, there was no going back now. Only forward.
In therapy, he’d learned to stop the punishing scenes rolling in his head twenty-four- seven reminding him of everything he’d done wrong. He replaced them with uplifting images. Soothing voices. Peaceful and calming aesthetics. That’s how he’d gotten into cooking shows in the first place. It involved all the senses. Chopping and stirring offered both a tactile experience and a soothing sound. Scent was a given when cooking, and a good visual presentation essential to most above-average cooks. Tonight, he would bake a chocolate cake similar to the one his mother made for him on his birthday. He had a recipe that involved chocolate chips and espresso powder.
And routine, such as this one with his brother, was also comforting. When all the bales were unloaded, Colton and Sean sat on the tailgate like old times and drank cold beer. Only this time they hadn’t had to sneak it out of the fridge when their parents weren’t looking.
“Welcome home.” Sean tapped the neck of his bottle with Colton’s.
