Page 104 of Lessons in Love at the Seaside Salon
She thinks about Oliver and realises she probably does trust him. He’s always been steady. He’s always treated her well. He’s made it clear he holds her in high regard. Those are key ingredients.
‘So … do you trust him?’ Stevo asks it seriously. With care. She appreciates it.
‘Yes, I think so.’
He grins. ‘Do you think he’s … y’know?’
She shifts her gaze so she can access a memory of Oliver, with his broad shoulders and wide smile, his lovely skin and his capable hands. These are things she has noticed and retained. That she shoved to the side when she was in the grip of Sam mania.
‘Yes.’
Stevo keeps grinning. ‘Then you have your answer.’
‘But what do I do about it? I’ve rejected him before.’
‘Ask him over for dinner. You know him well enough for that, yeah?’
She nods.
‘So make him dinner. Listen to him talk. Just be there. Sometimes having a woman justbe thereis all we need.’
Their eyes meet and there’s a sadness in his that surprises her.
‘I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you,’ she says softly.
‘You didn’t need to do that,’ Stevo says, the sadness disappearing. ‘You gave me my son.’ He brightens further. ‘Y’know, I could take Billy on weeknights if you ever want to …I dunno, go on a date.’ He grins. ‘Or to a dance class. Book club. Anything.’
‘Thanks. I may take you up on that.’
‘It’s kinda stopped you, hasn’t it?
‘What do you mean?’
‘Stopped you even thinking about being with someone. You can’t go anywhere during the week.’
She hadn’t thought about it in such stark terms but he’s right: she never even let herself start thinking she could do anything other than be Billy’s mum during the week. She’s been grateful to Stevo for giving her weekend time, as if that would be enough, but if she really wants to be with someone and he wants to be with her, weekends alone won’t be enough. They need to be able to perceive a life together. One that involves Billy, obviously, but that also means they could one day have a home together.
Stevo has been able to envisage that – he’s just done nothing with it.
‘Too busy with the fish, mate,’ he said once when she asked him why he hadn’t found anyone to settle down with.
Maybe it’s the truth, or maybe he’s felt as confined as she has, in his own way. Billy is both of their priority – she sees that now. Just because Stevo has only been around on the weekends doesn’t mean he hasn’t been a full-time father emotionally. They both love their son so much. It’s just a pity they couldn’t love each other enough to be together. You can’t fake it, though – and they shouldn’t try. Billy shouldn’t have to live in a household where people pretend anything for his sake, because that’s too much of a burden to put on a kid.
Instead, Stevo may just turn out to be her best mate and she his. That’s a concept she never considered but it makes sense. They have the most important thing in their lives in common – what better basis for a friendship is there?
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
It seems to Anna that days can be slow but weeks pass quickly, and she is not sure how that happens. Her children were babies just a moment ago. Soon they will be teenagers. She won’t notice any of it happening if she doesn’t pay attention. Housework, mother work, sewing work, just existing, just trying tobe here, can feel too much and never enough at the same time. It’s not how she wants her life to be.
Yet she wonders – worries – that she’s made some decisions out of that sense of it all being too much and never enough. She wonders – worries – if one of those decisions was telling Gary to leave. In the midst of everything that was too much and never enough, did she blame him for how she was feeling? Was he just a convenient target? Did she blame someone else – anything else – but herself?
Certainly she knows she has been changing her mind about all sorts of things of late. Where she used to slightly dread seeing her mother, now she looks forward to it because she has realised Ingrid is wise and possibly funny, although she keeps such a straight face it can be hard to tell.
That means she cheerfully takes her to the salon now. They chat more freely. The whole experience is more pleasant. And really all that’s changed is Anna’s outlook.
The same goes for the Seaside Salon, where they’ve just visited. Now they’re at their usual cafe in Terrigal, taking their time with their hot beverages, enjoying the sea air.
‘It feels nice getting that blow-dry done,’ Anna says, touching her hair. ‘Nice to have someone else doing it for me.
