Page 77 of Lessons in Love at the Seaside Salon
‘Of course,’ she says to her daughter, because she can hardly say ‘Maybe’. No child wants to hear their mother say that about their father. But she instantly realises the mistake she’s made when Renee’s face crumples.
‘Then why doesn’t he …’ Renee makes that hiccup-crying sound that tears Anna’s heart apart – as any crying sound from her daughter, or son, can.
‘Why doesn’t he …’ More hiccup-crying. ‘Come home?’ Renee finishes.
‘Oh, darling.’ Anna goes to hug her daughter but Renee folds her arms and turns her head. Great. It seems the hiccup-crying was a manipulation.
Anna looks at Troy, whose face is impassive. That kid is an impressive actor a lot of the time and she would wonder where he got it from, except he’s seen her and her mother putting on happy faces for people, pretending to like people they don’t, all to keep the social wheels greased. Ingrid is more expert at it than Anna; then again, she’s had more experience.
‘We want Daddy to come home,’ Troy says, his little chin jutting forward.
They’re good, these two with their tandem act. Waterworks and stoic defiance – quite the duo.
‘I know you miss him,’ Anna says, even though they’ve actually shown hardly any signs of it. Or perhaps she just didn’t want to see the signs because they didn’t suit her.
‘Everyone has a dad except us,’ Renee wails, burrowing into Troy’s shoulder.
Anna would think it cute if she didn’t also think they’re putting it on a little. There have been no tears about Gary thus far. Why now?
Wait … it’s coming to her …
‘They’re having a Dads Day at school,’ Troy says.
‘Dads Day?’ she says. ‘I didn’t see a letter about that.’
‘There’s a competition.’ Troy blinks. ‘A race.’
‘Egg and spoon?’ Anna guesses and Troy nods.
‘I want Daddy to come,’ he says.
‘I see,’ Anna says, biting her bottom lip. Her son has made a reasonable request, and although it still feels like her children have ambushed her, she needs to appease them.
‘I’ll organise it. And you do have a dad, darling,’ she says to Renee. ‘He’s just not living here.’
‘But I want him to!’ Renee shrieks, before hopping up and stomping off. It’s the perfect choreography for a seven-year-old’s tantrum and Anna has to admire it, even as her heart breaks a little to see it.
I’ve done this, she thinks.
No, that’s not true.Garydid this. Which makes her feel mad at him all over again – and she can’t express that out loud because the children know only that their father isn’t living here and clearly the snatches of time when they used to see him on weekends meant more to them than she realised.
‘When’s he coming back, Mu-um?’ Troy asks in a whingeywhiny tone she hasn’t heard since he wanted a Pac-Man game.
‘I don’t know,’ she says. Which leaves the door open. She didn’t say, ‘He’s not.’ So she’s given her son hope – and she doesn’t yet know if it’s false.
At least now she’s clear on one thing: she will do what’s best for her, because that is what’s best for others. She should have learnt that from Ingrid a long time ago, because even when Anna’s father was at his lowest Ingrid still tried to find a way to live well. To do something that was nice for herself. To maintain her dignity, she once said. Anna didn’t understand it then but she does now.
The sound of Renee crying floats in from her bedroom.
‘Let’s go and see your sister,’ she says, standing up and holding out her hand. These days Troy will take it sometimes, others not.
Tonight he does, and she squeezes it as they walk toward Renee, and Anna puts aside thoughts of her future and focuses on her now: two children who need her, two children she adores.
CHAPTER FORTY
‘Josie! …Josie!’
The voice is coming from somewhere far away. No – it’s close. Is it?
