Page 74 of Lessons in Love at the Seaside Salon
He still looked upset. ‘Something’s up,’ he said. ‘I know that.’
He stood there looking at her, which was both exactly what she wanted and unsettling.
‘Can we go to dinner?’ he asked. ‘Have a chat?’
She could hardly say no – they’re co-workers and refusing him might have made the Seaside Salon a less sunny place, not just for them but for Trudy and Josie too.
So now, sitting across from him in the Chinese restaurant on the main road at Bateau Bay, she feels nervous. Not able to speak properly. Which he may take as evidence that something’s wrong, but really it’s just how she’s always been around him when she’s not making a huge effort to control herself.
Spring rolls, san choy bow and prawn crisps have been put in front of them and Sam is dipping a roll in soy sauce and crunching into it. They’ve barely spoken since they sat down and it’s strange. Normally he chats even when she doesn’t.
‘So,’ he says, once he’s swallowed his mouthful, putting down half of the spring roll and looking at her expectantly.
‘Hm?’
She picks up a roll and goes to dip it in the soy sauce but he reaches across and puts his hand on hers.
‘Stop avoiding the subject,’ he says.
Obediently she puts the roll into the bowl in front of her. ‘Which subject?’ It’s childish of her to say but she really doesn’t want to be the one to define what they’re talking about. That would make it real, both her feelings and her heartbreak.
‘Evie.’ He says it lightly but he looks so serious. And handsome.
Her whole heart is right here in front of her and she can’t have it, and it feels as if someone has taken a sledgehammer and whacked her in the chest. She presses her lips together, trying to not cry.
Except didn’t she try to tell herself that she might be able to have it? Have him? She can still cling on to that hope. Sam asked her to have dinner with him, after all.
‘We need to talk,’ he says, and now her hopes fire. ‘Because you’renottalking to me any more. Aren’t we friends?’
Aren’t wemorethan that? She wants to say this. She won’t.
‘Yes,’ is what she says instead.
‘I thought we were getting to be close,’ he says. ‘But something’s changed. I think I’ve upset you and I don’t know how. But I want to fix it. If you tell me what I’ve done to upset you, I won’t do it again. I promise.’ He smiles.
Oh, how she loves that smile.
Except how does she tell him it’s not anything he’s done but someone heis? How does she express the galaxy of emotions currently swirling inside her?
If you don’t ask, you don’t get. Her father used to say that. Want a discount at the fish shop? Ask for it. And likely get it. He would get a lot of things by asking, and people never seemed to mind the asking even if they couldn’t give him what he wanted.She may not be able to express the emotions but she can ask for what she wants. Can’t she?
‘You haven’t done anything,’ she says weakly, because even saying this feels like a bold start.
‘Is there something else going on, then?’ He looks so concerned.
Bless him. Yes, bless him. He is kind-hearted. Sincere. So good. She doesn’t deserve him, with her ridiculous behaviour and her teenage crush.
‘Mm,’ she says, feeling nervous now. Shaky, even. She bites her bottom lip to try to steady herself because she knows this is the moment she needs to say something to him andshe can’t,she can’t,she can’t. But she must. Because if not now, when? There will never be another moment for her to try to claim the future she wants.
‘I …’ She breathes out. It sounds loud to her. Almost as if she can’t quite get the air to leave her lungs.
The stakes are so high. The highest. She’s no poker player. No card player at all. Nothing involving risk. Nothing involving change. What is she doing?
‘Evie?’ Sam prompts gently.
What she’s doing is what she must.
‘I love you,’ she rushes out, looking at him, then looking away, then looking back, and he doesn’t seem surprised, and that feels almost insulting. Shouldn’t a declaration of love involve the other person gasping or crying out or something to mark the moment?
