Page 30 of Wyoming Bodyguard
His body twitched as if her question caused a physical reaction. He kept quiet and maneuvered his truck to park behind an old sheriff’s cruiser. Shutting off the engine, he faced her. “I’ve never hated you.”
She snorted. “Well, you haven’t liked me much. Why? Why did we stop being childhood friends? We went from running around in the woods and riding horses to people who couldn’t stand one another. I honestly can’t remember when things changed.”
A beat of silence stretched in the confined space. “It was after my mom died.”
She blinked at the rawness in his voice and searched for words, trying to recall how the death of his mother had altered the way their relationship would play out for years to come.
“She was in that car accident, passed away, and you never came back to the ranch. Your mama did a few times. Brought food for us. Made sure my pops was all right. Hell, that first year without Mom she even brought over back to school supplies for me and Dax.” He chuckled, low and wistful. “Good thing too or him and I would have shown up without a damn thing.”
She couldn’t help but smile. “Sounds like her. Always looking out for others.”
“She was a good woman. When she’d stop by, Dax and I would drop everything to see her. I always hoped you’d be with her, but you never were.” He twisted his lips to the side, his expression pinched. “Why’d you stop coming? I needed my friend. Needed to have every bit of normalcy I could. Even as a kid I understood nothing would ever be normal again, but I craved that stability. That routine. Hell, I’m sure that’s why I went into the military once I graduated. Having my mom ripped away wasn’t her choice, but you chose not to come back. I guess I held on to that hurt more than I realized.”
Tears burned the backs of her eyes. Shame nearly drowned her. She searched her memory for what had caused that little girl to stay home. To not run to her friends and be there for them. “I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
She shifted to stare out the windshield. “I don’t remember really. I just know something about coming here and seeing you, knowing your mom wouldn’t be here, it was too much for me. I wish I could say I’d been some wise child who understood that some things weren’t about me. That life hands us situations where we need to rise above our own fears to be there for those we care about. But I was just a terrified, sad kid who couldn’t comprehend that the big, brave McKay boys would want me around.”
“The big brave McKay boys were eleven and five and heartbroken.” He sighed and shook his head. “Hell, we’re still heartbroken.”
“I am, too. I was gutted when your mother died. Destroyed when my mom passed a few years later. I suppose some of my anger was from watching her slowly slip away while fighting cancer then seeing you always so carefree and happy. Might sound crazy, but it was like some kind of betrayal. Like how could you find your happiness while I was in a living nightmare?”
She swung her gaze toward him again, and the knots in her stomach loosened. “I always wondered why you wouldn’t show up when she was in the hospital. How you couldn’t put away your anger when you more than anyone would know what I was going through. But why would you when I hadn’t been there for you? I’m sorry, Madden.”
He blew out a long, shuddering breath. “Man, what a bunch of wasted time. But you really did act stuck up in high school. There was no need for that.”
She burst into laughter. A full, belly laugh and damn it, it felt good. “And you walked around that school like you were God’s gift to women. I mean, come on. A little humility wouldn’t have killed you.”
“I guess not, although you were the only one who seemed to mind.” His slight smile melted away. “What brought this on?”
Not wanting to admit she’d called Eve earlier to discuss their kiss, she hurried to create another reason that he’d buy at face value. “The last couple of days have had their enjoyable moments. Moments when I’ve forgotten my disdain and just enjoyed your company. Moments when memories of our youth came back. The ranch’s current issues have taken up so much of my life, I often forget how much history we share.”
“Maybe we can try and forget the bad parts and remember the good,” he said.
She considered his offer, and as logical as it sounded, it wasn’t possible. At least not yet. “I don’t think I can do that. I still can’t wrap my mind around why you and your dad sold your land to developers. I’m not a child anymore who can’t see past my own needs. I know the decisions you made are about you and your family, but my family’s livelihood is dying as a direct result of your choice. I need to understand why.”
His body stiffened, and he fixed his attention on the old farmhouse in front of them. “Things happen in life that we’ll never understand, and we have to learn to be okay with it. If not, we’ll drive ourselves crazy.”
Without another word, he climbed out of the truck and slammed the door behind him. Leaving her with nothing but her spiraling thoughts and a deafening silence.
Chapter 12
Madden paused on the porch to wait for Lily. He drew in a large breath, filling his lungs with the fresh evening air. The conversation with Lily had been unexpected to say the least, and had struck a nerve he hadn’t even known existed. He hadn’t thought about the days following his mother’s death in a long time. Hadn’t remembered the bitter disappointment of his friendship with Lily fading into oblivion.
Was that what he wanted now? Lily’s friendship? The impact of their kiss had him wanting much more than that, but a relationship with Lily would never happen.
Because no matter how far they’d come, he could never tell her the truth about why his father needed to sell his land. Not when his father had made him promise to keep his secret.
With her head down and arms crossed over her middle, Lily walked up the steps.
Their conversation had been surprisingly constructive, and he’d blown the whole thing to pieces. He’d fix things later, but for now, they needed to focus on getting information from his dad and his pals. “Ready for this?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she said.
He winced at her hesitation. Gone was her excitement over a pickup game of cards that had thrown him for a loop. He held the front door of his childhood home open and waited for her to walk inside before following. Rumbles of laughter floated down the hall from the kitchen, meeting them in living room.
His father seldom used this space, opting to leave the delicate furniture and frilly touches his mother had selected long ago in place. Walter preferred to move mainly between the kitchen and den, often sleeping in his recliner in front of the television instead of alone in his bed.
