Page 31 of Crossroads of Innocence
He shook his head and took a bite of warm bread. “Not really. We’ve got plenty of people around to share, and Mia’s done a hell of a job. Everyone loves her and her food. But my customers are loyal, not to mention we serve alcohol.”
She dropped her head, gaze fixed on the food on her plate.
“What is it?” The energy had shifted, and he was tired of pretending everything was okay. Of not asking the hard questions because he didn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation. Yes, he’d been young when he’d been with Jude, but by not diving in and finding out what was really going on in her life, he’d lost her.
Setting down her fork, she blew out a long breath and finally met his eye. “You’re right. Loyalty to that restaurant runs pretty damn deep. It’s the reason I left this town all by myself instead of with the man I loved.”
Her words hit him like a sucker punch to the gut. A tornado of resentment and sadness and confusion whipped to life inside him. Tonight was supposed to be about being there for Jude while she told him why she’d left, not making him feel like shit because of the choice he’d made.
A choice he’d make again in a heartbeat. Because if he hadn’t stayed, where would his family’s legacy be? Where would his mother be?
She’d be alone with no memories, no future, and no one to see to her every need. And he wouldn’t let Jude make him feel bad, not when she refused to tell him why she’d had to run that night. Refused to let him all the way in and see the hurt and damage that was there. So before he could trust her enough to tell her what happened after she’d skipped town and left him broken hearted, he needed to understand what had pushed her over the edge.
He shoved his plate aside and looked her dead in the eye. He didn’t want there to be one ounce of doubt about what he meant. What he needed. “Loyalty’s one of those things that only works when it goes both ways. You left me. Left me a broken mess while I grieved for my father and looked after my mother. Left me when the whole world had been dumped on my shoulders, and I didn’t even know which way was up.”
She dropped her gaze and shifted in her seat.
He gritted his teeth and fought to keep his composure. Making her uncomfortable was the last thing he wanted, but he had to press on. Needed her to see what losing her had done to him. “So you’re right, I guess. Loyalty cost you me, but it wasn’t because I wouldn’t have given my right arm to help you out of any trouble. Hell, you didn’t ask for help, didn’t trust me enough to tell me there was trouble. And maybe a part of that’s on me—on things I should have seen—but I was just a kid trying the best I knew how.”
She finally lifted her gaze to meet his. “I did trust you. I always have. What I went through…” She lifted her shoulders. “I didn’t know how to tell anyone. Was too scared to try.”
His heart lurched, and he lifted a palm. “I don’t want to diminish your pain—your trauma. I just need you to understand mine. If you want to sit there and act like I pushed you away and didn’t choose you, you’re only fooling yourself. Because I would have chosen you every single day. But you weren’t loyal enough to let me all the way in. To stand bymyside when I needed you more than I needed air. So if you want to hash this out, darlin, you better start talking.”
13
The thick, creamy sauce turned to stone in the pit of Jude’s stomach. She’d promised Wade she’d tell him everything tonight, but why had she opened her big mouth and started the conversation off in the worst way possible?
Yes, she knew Wade was grieving when she’d asked him to leave town with her, but she was so fixated on getting the hell out of a dodge, she’d seen his refusal as nothing other than flat out rejection. She’d imaged a new life where they could move on from their hurt and pain and create a brighter future.
Instead, she’d left with a broken heart and a shattered soul without giving Wade’s needs a second thought.
She squared her shoulders and folded her hands in her lap. Her heart pounded like crazy, and a subtle buzzing rang in her ears. “You’re right. I didn’t think about helping you cope with the loss of your dad,” she said, running a hand through her hair as frustration knotted her nerves. “I thought about what I needed, and what I would need if I were you. That meant leaving Pine Valley and getting away from our troubles.”
Wade scrubbed a palm over his face as if he wasn’t sure if he was ready for this conversation. “You wrecked me when you left. But my mom needed me. She was a mess after Dad died. I couldn’t abandon her. Leave her alone to run the Chill N’ Grill by herself when she was struggling to just put one foot in front of the other.”
Guilt twisted her insides. “I never wanted you to abandon your mom.”
“Are you sure about that? You had no problem abandoning your own mother.”
She winced and dropped her gaze to her half-filled plate.
“I’m sorry,” Wade said. “I shouldn’t have said that. If today showed me anything, it’s that I had no idea what you were going through at home.”
She tightened her grip on her intwined hands, afraid to meet his gaze. “I deserved it. You’re right. I haven’t spoken with or seen my mom since I left, and I have my reasons for that. But I shouldn’t expect you to understand those reasons if I never explained them.”
“Will you?” Wade asked, voice low and husky. “I want to know. I want to understand.”
Sighing, she finally met his gaze. “I left because of my dad.”
He tightened his jaw, eyes hard. “I figured that part out today.”
A sad smile lifted the corner of her mouth. “I used to be better at hiding how he made me feel. I think being gone for so long, then blindsided when he showed up when I was already so emotionally raw, made it impossible to put on the mask he demanded we all wore. Made it impossible to paste on a smile and pretend he wasn’t a monster.”
“You’ve been through a lot the last couple of days. The fact you’ve kept any semblance of composure is remarkable.”
She huffed out a humorless laugh. “I was a trembling mess when he walked into that office.”
“You are strong. You are anything but a mess.”
