Page 30 of Crossroads of Betrayal
“Hmm,” he said, too distracted to come up with a better response.
“I talked to Tucker about finding Tessa’s killer. He recommended looking closer at Tessa. Joan might be willing to help with that. I bet she’ll want to contribute instead of just sitting and waiting.”
He grimaced. “Not sure if she’ll want to see me. Not after Tessa’s ID was found in my bag. She probably thinks I killed Tessa just like everyone else.”
A gentle hand on his arm halted his motion, and he gazed down into Grace’s eyes. “Not everyone thinks you’re guilty, and we’ll prove it. I think if we talk to Joan, she’ll be on our side and do whatever she can to find the truth. Let’s just try, okay?”
His skin burned and mouth went dry. He’d longed for her touch for so long, he would have agreed to anything. “Okay.”
“But first, we should talk.”
The whistle of the wind was the only sound between them as he searched for something to say.
“We were interrupted before. At the shooting range. I didn’t get a chance to ask you how it felt emotionally to handle the gun.”
Disappointment crushed his windpipe. He’d hoped she was finally ready to talk about what had gone wrong in their relationship, not about how hard it’d been to hold the gun straight when he’d aimed at the target.
Turning away from her, he rubbed the back of his neck and tightened his grip on Ruby’s leash. “I was fine.”
“Did it trigger any memories from what happened with Danny? How’d your shoulder feel?”
Months of turmoil boiled over in his stomach. He couldn’t stand here with Grace and pretend like nothing was between them—that she hadn’t put him through a lifetime of pain. The time he’d spent with her the last couple days had left him with emotional whiplash. He couldn’t handle the constant flip flop between excitement and dread, joy and sadness, relief and agonizing tension. Enough was enough.
“Damnit, Grace. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t hang out with you and act like we’re hot on the trail of some criminal. And for what? You want me gone? Out of your hair so you don’t have to face the reality of what you did…fine. I’ll pack up and leave today. The police can call me if they need anything. But I can’t just stand here, looking at your beautiful face, and pretend like I’m not falling to pieces inside.” The crack in his voice would have humiliated him if he wasn’t so upset.
Grace’s face crumbled and she let her head drop forward. “I don’t know what to say to you. I don’t know how to explain things—to make you understand why I made the choices I made. The knots inside of me are tangled up so tight, I’m afraid if I start unraveling them, I’ll never be able to put myself back together.”
“Then what do you want from me? Because I’m not your partner anymore. You say you don’t want me here but haven’t left my side. You made it clear that our past wasn’t up for discussion, but you want me to open up about the reason I’m here. A reason I confided and clearly disgusted you.”
Her head shot up, eyes wide and brimming with tears. “Disgusted me? Never. Hearing what happened to you gutted me.”
He frowned. “You didn’t say anything. You just sat there, as if looking at me after what I did made you sick.”
Pressing her hands to her stomach, she shook her head. Tears fell freely down her face. “Thinking of you being in pain makes me sick. Imagining you shot and scared and forced to do something you’d carry with you forever wrecks me. But I know I can’t comfort you with words, that guilt has a way of burrowing into your soul and refusing to leave. I wanted to give you a tool to release your stress, to give you an escape. That’s why I suggested shooting. I could never be disgusted by you or your actions.”
He longed to bury her in his arms and absorb her pain—take away her tears. But he had to hold himself back. Had to think of himself for once.
Exhaustion weighed him down. Screw playing it safe and not crossing the line she’d drawn between them. It was now or never, and no matter what she said, at least he’d finally have the answers he needed for so long. “Then why did you leave me? Why did you throw away the future we’d dreamed of? The life we could have had?”
A sob shook her slender frame. She covered her mouth with her hand, as if trying to keep her words locked inside.
He braced his hands on her biceps and took a step forward. “Grace. Please. Just tell me, and I’ll leave you alone for the rest of your life if that’s what you want. But I deserve to know why the wife I loved with my entire being walked away.”
She finally met his gaze with red-rimmed eyes. She dropped her hand and rested it on his forearm. “I had to.”
“Why?” He held his breath, willing her to answer.
“Because I couldn’t be the reason you or anyone else was hurt. Not again. I couldn’t live with myself if I followed my instincts, made another bad decision, and lives were lost because of it—people were hurt and tortured because I wasn’t where I should’ve been.”
Details and missing pieces clicked into place. An image of Penelope bruised and battered invaded his mind and he tightened his grip on Grace’s arm. The fear twisting the lines of her face told him she wanted to run again, but this time, he wouldn’t let her.
* * *
Pressure squeezedGrace’s chest so hard she swore she’d burst. She wanted to break free of Zeke’s hold, run away, and never look back.
But she’d done that once, and what had that left her? A lonely life where she shut herself off for the protection of others. She’d turned her back on Zeke to protect him, and he’d still ended up hurt. So what was the point of her self-imposed isolation? She was miserable, and the people she loved were still at risk.
She leaned forward, desperate to accept Zeke’s strong arms—to give into the safety and comfort he so clearly wanted to give.
