Page 224 of Mountain Daddy
Kendra scoffs. “That bitch better not live around here.”
A laugh huffs out of me. “She doesn’t. And she doesn’t visit.”
“Good.”
I trace circles on the inside of Kendra’s knee with my thumb. “When we got married, Ashley’s mom moved into my house. It was all in my name, so I had her out within a week.” I think about that little house. How crowded it was with all the toys and kid-sized furniture. “After catching her cheating, I always wondered…Suspected… But Ashley was my child. And I wasn’t going to test her paternity. When she was six, I was building the house that I live in now, she was starting school, and for the first time since she was born, I was thinking about dating again. But I knew Ashley was it for me. I didn’t need or want more kids. And I didn’t want to have to worry about another unplanned pregnancy or questionable parentage. So I decided to get a vasectomy.” I fill my lungs with the calming scent of Kendra. “It’s all pretty routine. And they don’t require you to…check how things are workingbefore the procedure. But a part of me wanted to know… Wanted to know if it was even possible for me to be Ashley’s father. So I had them test my… stuff.” This is another thing I’ve never told anyone. But it’s not as hard as I thought it’d be. “Turns out I didn’t need the vasectomy after all. The odds of me being able to reproduce were basically zero.”
Kendra sniffs.
I turn my hand palm up on her lap, and she releases my arm so she can grip my hand in both of hers.
Her fingers squeeze mine. “I’m sorry.”
I squeeze hers back. “I’m not. It was all pretty fucked up, but in the end, I got the child I always wanted.”
It feels wrong saying that to her, but I have to trust Kendra. I have to trust her when she says she’s okay not having children.
Kendra sighs, relaxing into me, and I know she didn’t take any offense. “Did you ever tell her mom?”
“Never.” I shake my head. “As far as she knows, there’s a fifty-fifty chance Ashley is mine. Or, well, probably worse odds than that since I doubt it was just the one guy. But no matter what she thinks, in the end, I won. And Ashley won because she didn’t have to grow up with a revolving door of stepdads.”
Kendra tips her head back, and her eyes are filled with emotion. “I’m still sorry you had to go through that. Ashley… she doesn’t know, does she?”
“No one knows. Just you.”
Kendra watches me for a moment, like she’s deciding something. “Luther?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m still mad at you.”
I swallow and nod. “Understandable.”
She blows out a breath. “But I’m going to forgive you.”
I stare at her.
Just stare.
She sighs. “I had a boyfriend, when I got my diagnosis.”
My hold on her tightens. Like this boyfriend from ten years ago might appear and try to take her from me.
Kendra lowers her head back to my shoulder. “We hadn’t been together long, but I knew he wanted kids. He’d talked about it before.”
“Did he break up with you because you couldn’t…?” Anger flashes through my veins.
She shakes her head before I can lose my temper. “I broke up with him.Because I couldn’t.I just never told him why.”
It’s what I did.
She did to him what I did to her. Only I was wrong.
Kendra never told me she wanted kids. I just assumed. I saw her interact with children, and I assumed.
I kiss her hair. “I know you already said so, but I’m going to ask one last time.”
She sighs. “One last time.”
