Page 150 of Mountain Daddy
Hate involving my sister in the lies.
Guilt fills my throat, making it hard to speak.
I force myself to swallow.
We can’t keep doing this.
“Alright,” Joe says slowly. “I’m going to order. Need anything else?”
I shake my head, same as Kendra.
Joe’s kindness makes me feel even worse.
When he turns away, I meet Kendra’s gaze.
And I hate the look shining in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
I’m sorry I thought this was a safe location.
I’m sorry for the stress and guilt.
I’m sorry for making you feel anything other than joy when we’re together.
“It’s not your fault.” She rolls her lips together and glances toward the counter where Joe is ordering his drink. “I just… I’ll be right back.”
Kendra pushes her chair away from the table and stands.
I want to say something. Tell her we’ll figure it out.
But I can feel the turmoil rolling off her, so I don’t push the topic. I just nod.
Joe’s still busy ordering, so I watch Kendra.
I watch her walk behind her dad.
Watch her pass a pair of women sitting next to a pair of strollers.
Watch a small toy fly out into her path.
Watch Kendra stop and pick it up.
Watch her smile as she says something to the moms.
Watch her hand the toy back to a tiny hand sticking out of the stroller.
I watch my girl interact with a future I can’t give her.
That guilt runs down my throat, filling my stomach.
I—
Joe steps into my view, and I realize I was staring after Kendra.
With his eyes on me, he grips a neighboring chair and drags it noisily to our table.
I take another drink of my coffee, giving me something to do other than speak.
