Page 21 of Nothing to Beat

Lust at first sight for sure, though at Breckenridge House there was plenty to lust over.

“You broke up with Breck to protect him.As a boyfriend, you’re not permanently linked, that’s why you broke up with him.To protect him.You don’t believe he would do the same for you?”

“No one can protect me from my father.”

“What comes next?One way or the other you have to do this test; the truth is the truth.The more time you have to get used to this, to prepare for this, the better.”

She’d been putting it off for all the reasons mentioned, everyone was right.Including Roxie.Her newest friend held the test aloft for a moment before holding it out.Yes, they did have to know.

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it.”

The moment the plastic touched her fingers her heart beat a little faster.This was it.Pee on the stick.How hard was that?Not hard at all if she didn’t think about the consequences of an affirmative answer.That was what she wanted, what she had wanted until Breck opened his mouth.Right.She’d pee on the stick and deal with whatever came after, one step at a time.

NINE

NO BABY.

She wasn’t disappointed.It worked out for the best.They’d swerved a bullet.Her idea to have Breck’s baby was crazy and she’d—where was he?

After the pregnancy test came out negative, she’d excused herself from Roxie’s and gone home.Not much left to party for after her non-news killed the mood.The memory of that night wouldn’t die.She’d have happily gone her whole life without walking into a room full of expectant Breckenridges only to disappoint them.Alice, especially, was ready to meet the next generation.The woman didn’t say it, wouldn’t, but an infant would’ve been the greatest gift.

Breck tried to join her when she’d declared her departure.The others expected him to go home with her because it was them.Them.That was exactly why she refused his company.

Fuck it.

Yes, okay, she was disappointed.Why did it feel so shameful to admit that even secretly in her own private thoughts?Maybe because all she’d have to do was pout at Breck, confess her dejection, and he’d do whatever it took to make it better.The solution was within reach, but she couldn’t pursue it, couldn’t take advantage of him… again.

They’d dodged a bullet, hadn’t she literally just thought that?Guilt was too tame a word.What kind of horrible, despicable person—maybe she should quit her job.Uh huh, sure, how many times did that idea crop up?Every time her hormones salivated over the man working at the opposite end of the floor, that’s how often.It wouldn’t happen.She’d never follow through.

What a coward.It was one thing to be aware that her proximity caused him damage.It was another to relieve that damage by never being near him again.

She was a junkie.Breck Breckenridge was her drug.Rehab didn’t exist for her addiction, and the most shameful part?Even if it did, she wouldn’t go.Her preoccupation with him was her life.Seeing him, even for the briefest moment, was what she lived for.How sad was that?

Which brought her to the question of the day: where was he?

Not just that day either.A week had passed since their Crimson catastrophe and she hadn’t seen him once since then.Not once.Jonesing for him had never been this bad… or maybe it had and she’d repressed the torment.How much longer could she live like this?Talk about cruelty.

For the last five days, she, as usual, worked in her office at Breckenridge HQ, pretending she wouldn’t catch glimpses out to the executive floor any time he went in or out of his office.Or she would pretend, if he’d shown up to give her the chance.In a normal week, she’d see him regularly.Even if they didn’t interact, the game went on.That week, she hadn’t seen or heard a whisper of him.Aweek.Had she mentioned no sightings for a week?

One day of absence was an anomaly.Two was strange.Three was curious.Four was concerning, and they were all the way at day five now.Friday.Yep, that meant verging on panic.

She could ask.Any of the Breckenridges would answer.If it was her place to know where he was, which it wasn’t, because they weren’t together.

Ahh!

Or she could call him.He’d pick up.In a real pinch, she could go to Breckenridge House, no one would get in her way.She had rights.No, no she didn’t.Well, she did, though she shouldn’t.Why?Because they weren’t together.

If Breck wasn’t at work, he had to be home.Maybe.No.Logic didn’t work.He was supposed to be there, in the building, that was the logical answer to where he’d be.Except he wasn’t.

Goddamnit, the man’s life wasn’t her business.Something was wrong with her, way deep down in her screwed-up psyche.What the hell was a clean break?It wasn’t staring across the floor at his office waiting for someone, anyone, to go in there.To give her some hint—

She closed her laptop in the same snap of finding her feet.

This was insane.If something happened with the family, some tragedy, none of them would be in.Everyone was in.Except him.Whatever was going on was Breck related, and damnit, Breck related was her related.He wouldn’t hesitate to assume the same if the situation was reversed.Hell, no way he’d wait five days to quiz her.

Ben was in some meeting, and going to the top as a first stop was more than dramatic.Darroch would tease her.Not that she couldn’t take it, but he wouldn’t be the best person to break bad news.

It couldn’t be bad news.

---