“What?”
Not wanting to repeat himself again, Chris annunciated each word clearly. “A menstrual cup.”
The corner of Dr. Linn’s mouth twitched as she ducked her head behind her notepad. Still, the first notes of laughter escaped from her mouth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. I assume she yelled pretty loudly.”
“Yes, she did. It didn’t register what she’d said for a moment.”
“Was she injured?”
“No. I only used enough force to deflect her attack, or what I thought was an attack. I think I scared her more than anything. It scared me. I’ve never done anything like this before. Sometimes when I’m helping with the recipients of Mrs. Gooding’s foundation, I want to find their abusers and attackers and give them more than a piece of my mind. And in one second, I became one of them. I didn’t ever think...” Chris buried his head in his hands. He didn’t want Dr. Linn to see how broken he felt. “I didn’t think I could ever be one.”
Several moments passed before Dr. Linn spoke. “Chris, will you look at me?”
Chris raised his head.
“From your report to Hastings and what you have said, as well as my interview with Javier, I wouldn’t categorize what happened as abuse.”
“Then why do I feel so bad?”
“Would you feel this way if she had been male?”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“Size, skill level. I mean, if it had been Javier or another bodyguard, then they would have deserved it. They know not to yell and jump at a person. And if it had been one of the female guards, I would have defended myself too. Have you ever seen Abbie, Deirdre, or ZoElle take some guy down? I’ve been on the receiving end, and they are dangerous.”
“You used the term ‘defending yourself.’ Explain that more.”
“My first thought was that she was attacking me. I reacted badly.”
Dr. Linn let him continue as he described his attempt at an apology and running into her that morning in the gym.
“I think she’s forgiven me. She didn’t seem afraid of me when I showed her the move to break my hold. She asked me to teach her more. I told her I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?”
Because I am attracted to her. He certainly couldn’t tell the doctor that. “I don’t think I’d be objective. I’d either go too easy on her or too hard.”
“Well, Chris, I believe you are thinking pretty clearly. I am going to recommend to Hastings that you are fit for full duty. I’ll send my recommendations over to ZoElle this afternoon.”
“Recommendations? Plural?”
“Yes. I took the advanced protection class years ago. I’ve seen Abbie in action and I know what the role of the assistants are in that class. Despite your saying you shouldn’t be involved in the other Christian’s training, I think that is exactly what you need, in a controlled environment.”
“But...” How do you tell a therapist you are attracted to the one woman you can never date, without telling your therapist, and that the less time you spend together, the better for your sanity? Somewhere on TikTok, someone must have an answer to the question.
Dr. Linn raised her brow. “But?”
“It won’t work because I am attracted to Tian.” He allowed himself to say her name this time.
“And I am glad you are admitting it. However, before you ask, I have no advice on what you should do with that truth.”
“I wasn’t going to ask.”
“It doesn’t change my opinion that you should be an assistant for her class.”
Arguing with Dr. Linn wouldn’t work. His only chance was to convince ZoElle it was a bad idea to have him in the class—if he could do it without admitting his attraction to the client.