Page 42 of His Fresh Start Cowboy
“I’m not gonna ask because it’s not my business,” Jackson said, “but I’ll admit I had a funny feeling he was why you broke things off with me. He’s a good kid.”
“He’s not a kid.” Maybe Hugo was younger than them both but he was a grown man. Very much a grown man. “And it’s complicated.”
“Always is. Good luck.” Jackson tipped his hat, then went down the barn to one of the horse stalls.
Brand didn’t know what else to say or do, so he went up to the house for a quick shower and to wash his shirt. Today had not been a mistake, but it had absolutely altered the dynamic between him and Hugo. Sex with Jackson had just been that: sex. Yes, sex with someone he considered a friend and respected a hell of a lot, but they lacked an emotional depth that could have ever led to more. Same with Ramie. Sex with Hugo had been...intense. They’d made a connection that Brand didn’t want to give up, but he was also terrified of what it might mean going forward.
Terrified of accepting his feelings for Hugo and all the ways it would change Brand’s life. All the ways they could both get hurt if they came out as a couple—not only from small-minded bigots in town, but Brand’s own family. His parents loved Colt, but they quietly tolerated his marriage to Avery because the pair lived hundreds of miles away. How would they feel about their second son being with a man?
He had no idea.
And the fact that Hugo had fled the hayloft so quickly after they had sex still confused him. They needed to talk and do it soon, before one of them did something they’d both regret.
Chapter Thirteen
Hugo had the day off Sunday, the day after his confusing encounter with Brand in the hayloft, and he was glad for it. He absolutely needed space from Brand to think about both his physical actions, and also his words after having sex.
“I needed to do something.”
“You’re my employee.”
Those two small statements had hurt more than Hugo wanted to admit, which was why he’d fled the hayloft as fast as possible. Fled from the truth that Brand’s first priority would always be the ranch. Fled before Hugo’s heart got any more invested in the man who’d made his body sing, and then who’d broken his heart in only a few brief sentences. Fled from the man who never answered Hugo’s very simple question to Brand’s statement that Hugo was important to him: Why?
Instead of saying anything, Brand had kissed him. Kissed him, seduced him, and then basically called Hugo an employee he was helping through a bad day, the asshole. As amazing as the sex had been, the ending left a bad taste in Hugo’s mouth and a sliver of pain wedged in his heart.
He spent most of his day in bed, watching random shit on his phone. Elmer knocked once and invited him inside for a puzzle and supper, but Hugo turned him down, citing a headache, and Elmer accepted that excuse. He hated lying to Elmer about anything, because the man had only ever been generous and kind, but Hugo wanted to wallow.
Rem texted him that night with great news all around: the ranch had gotten a blue ribbon for their organic cattle, Rose placed second in the chili cook-off, and her peach pie took the blue ribbon. Rem also mentioned the Grove Point CSA got a few blue ribbons for their produce, but Hugo didn’t care about that. Good for the farmers, but fuck Frank and his spawn. Fuck his mother, too, to be honest. She’d made her choice.
Monday was all kinds of awkward when Hugo reported to work. He, Jackson, Rem, and Brand were all on the schedule, and their quartet had a quick meeting first thing. Brand kept tossing Hugo significant looks that irritated the shit out of him, Jackson’s expression was way too neutral, and Rem was completely oblivious to the strange vibes bouncing back and forth.
Lucky him.
Fortunately, Hugo and Brand had separate assignments that day, so Hugo could avoid the man. Great sex did not make up for the embarrassment that it had all been to make Hugo feel better—make a fucking employee feel better—and not because Brand had the same strong feelings for Hugo that Hugo had for him. Having sex with his boss, ten-year crush aside, had been a stupid thing to do. Even if the sex had made Hugo feel wanted and safe—truly wanted and safe—for the first time in his entire adult life. The way Brand had looked him in the eye, kissed him, paid attention to what they were doing, instead of simply taking from someone willing to give—all of it made him feel safe.
Rem also seemed kind of distracted, because he didn’t butt into Hugo’s personal life, and Hugo counted that as a win, even while wondering what was up with his friend. Later in the week, the previously injured cowboy had returned to work. Alan Denning’s hand was healed, and while he was definitely the oldest guy on the crew, he was pretty cool. Hugo liked him just fine. By the following weekend, three temps had been added to the team to help with calf season, as most of the heifers were due to give birth soon.
Fortunately, this put Hugo and Jackson out running the fence lines and pastures most of the day, watching the herd and keeping stragglers from going too far. Calving wasn’t Hugo’s best event, so he was glad to be out in the countryside with Dog and a much-healed Brutus. The dogs didn’t talk, and Jackson was practically mute most days, and Hugo enjoyed the peace and quiet.
Woods Ranch welcomed thirteen new cows and bulls into the family over the next few days. The bulls would eventually join the organic, grass-fed herd, while the cows would grow until they were old enough for their AI technician to inseminate them with other organic bull semen. All part of the circle of life on a working cattle ranch.
Ultimately, every cow and bull on the ranch would end up on someone’s dinner plate, but Hugo admired the fact that Brand worked hard to ensure those animals lived the freest, most comfortable life possible until then. Rather than penned into tiny areas and given the worst, most fattening kind of feed just to add more pounds.
The third weekend in May, Hugo stood in the back of the barn where the heifers fed their calves, and he admired the beauty of such a thing. Teats heavy with milk and young mouths eagerly seeking sustenance. Mothers doing nothing more than nourishing their children, and his heart ached with grief. Maybe Buck had stayed away these last few weeks, but he hadn’t heard from his mother since that ill-fated meeting two months ago. And that hurt. More than he expected it to. He’d been tempted to reach out himself on Mother’s Day, but he simply couldn’t make himself do so. She’d chosen her side and it wasn’t her son’s.
The mothers in the barn stalls only knew instinct, and their instinct was to nourish their children. The lovely sight made his eyes sting with jealous tears. That a cow could love her child more than a human mother. Sure, Hugo’s situation wasn’t unique at all, but it still hurt.
“Hugo?” Brand’s voice broke the silence like a gong of doom.
Hugo flinched but didn’t turn around. “Just making sure they’re all feeding.”
Brand stepped up beside him, hands deep in his jeans pockets, Stetson casting shadows over his face in the dim barn light. “It’s a pretty sight, isn’t it? Miracle of life?”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat, hating how his body reacted so strongly to the older man’s proximity. He wanted to reach out and touch Brand, but no way in hell was that happening. Hugo didn’t need to be embarrassed twice. “I’ve gotta go.”
Before Hugo could leave, Brand placed a hand on his shoulder. “Please, man, you’ve been avoiding me for weeks. We need to talk about what happened.”
So Brand only wanted to talk to him when Hugo was feeling emotional and vulnerable? Just like that Saturday in the loft? Fuck that, now and forever. He plastered on his best “innocent face” and said, “Something happened?”
