Page 51 of His Fresh Start Cowboy
Curiosity overcame Brand then. “Can I ask where you’ve been since you left? Besides Clean Slate. I know it was a great place for you, because Colt talks about it all the time when we call each other or visit. What about in between here and there?”
“Did a lot of odd jobs. Fortunately, I knew a lot about ranching, horses, and cattle, so I could get seasonal work. Moved across the state heading west, no real destination in mind. I was young, alone, and I could be anyone I wanted to be. Made some friends over the years but nothing that really stuck. Think my longest job was working for a mechanic in Bakersfield, California. It was good work, a nice place to live, for the most part. Hard to find anyone to date so I just...didn’t.
“Then I saw an ad in the paper for the Bentley Ghost Town opening, and it talked about Clean Slate. I looked into it, and they had a link for folks to apply to work there. I applied, did a phone interview, and got accepted. Worked there for a little over two years, before taking a huge risk in coming back here. Hasn’t paid off much.”
Brand refused to flinch. “I think it’s paid off some. Maybe not in the ways you hoped, but now you know where your mother’s loyalty is. You know you can face down your bogeyman when he’s twenty feet away from you. You know you’ve always got friends in me and Rem and Jackson. Mom and Dad got your back, too.”
“I didn’t come back because I wanted to be your friend,” Hugo snapped, his cheeks red, and not from the fire. “But I guess if that’s all you’re offering, I’ll take it.” He grabbed his own stick, scooted forward, and poked at the fire. “What scares you so hard about us, Brand?”
“Who says I’m scared?”
Hugo snorted long and hard, until it turned into choked laughter that annoyed Brand. “Please, I just told you some pretty personal stuff here, dude. You gonna share back, or is this conversation over for good?”
“What the fuck do you want me to say?”
“The truth.” Hugo’s eyes danced with both firelight and determination. “You felt something with me both times in the hayloft. More than just sex. We connected on a different level. We connected all those years ago and I’ve never shaken it. Have you?”
“No.” He swallowed hard, mouth too dry. “But you’re my little brother’s best friend. I can’t.”
“Why not? Because I’m a boy?”
Brand couldn’t find the words around the knot in his throat, so he only nodded.
Hugo scowled. “Why does that scare you so much? Why don’t you think they’ll accept you being attracted to a man? Your big brother is married to a man and your family accepts it.”
“They tolerate it.” Old fears resurfaced and tried to choke the air from Brand’s lungs. “And it’s different with me. Colt wasn’t in charge of this whole ranch. He didn’t hold the family’s legacy in his hands anymore, because he got out before he could get trapped here. So I got trapped here instead. I don’t care that Colt’s gay, and I don’t think Rem does much. My sisters are harder to read, because their husbands are homophobes, and they were raised in the whole ‘honor thy husband’ sort of family dynamic. But my dad wants a male heir to carry on the Woods name, and if I fall for a man, I can’t give him that.”
“Why not? Gay couples adopt or use surrogates to have children. It’s just a name, not blood. Even if I wasn’t your happily ever after, you could still fall in love with a man, have a kid, and pass on the Woods name. Hell, Colt and Avery could still do the same fucking thing, and then you’re off the hook.”
“Unless they give the kid Avery’s last name.”
Hugo blew out a frustrated, almost amusing breath. “Lord, you are stubborn about this. But I guess that’s a Woods trait.”
“Probably so. And it’s not just me giving Dad an heir. It’s the whole ranch. There are a lot of open-minded people out there, but there are also a lot of closed-minded bigots left to cause trouble. We are investing so much in both the wind farms and the organic beef, and I couldn’t stand it if I sabotaged it because a buyer took offense at my personal life.”
“So you’d give up your own potential happiness for this ranch? You do realize that with the acreage you’ve got, your parents could sell the whole operation and have a tidy profit to retire on, right? Do you ever think your dad is working so hard to keep it going because he believes running it is whatyouwant?”
“I...no.” He’d never looked at things from that perspective. The perspective that Brand expected to take over fully and inherit the ranch. That he and Rem would continue working on the land until they both retired and turned the whole operation over to someone else. Someone preferably related to them. “Huh.”
Hugo inched closer to Brand until one of them could easily reach out and touch the other, and Brand’s skin buzzed with his nearness. “Do you think maybe you should have that conversation with Wayne? There’s still time to go back to school and be a teacher, if that’s truly where your heart lies.”
“It did once. But I lost that dream when Colt left, and the ranch has been my sole focus for nearly twenty years now. I don’t know that I could change careers even if it was an option.”
“You won’t ever know if it’s an option unless you talk to your dad.” Hugo reached out and squeezed Brand’s left shoulder, his touch hot even through Brand’s shirt. Brand took a chance and bent his left arm up to cover Hugo’s hand with his. Slowly, Hugo twisted their grips until they were holding hands in front of the fire. Under a canopy of twinkling stars.
“Honestly? Talking to Dad about leaving scares me.”
“Why? Do you think he’ll be upset and say no? Shame you for wanting to leave the ranch?”
“No.” Brand’s shoulders trembled once and he stopped trying to censor his insecurities and confusion. He reached for the part of himself he’d denied for so long, the part that had felt something for Hugo for a long damned time. The part that was attracted to men the same way he was attracted to women—a part of himself he was scared to share with his family. “I’m afraid he’ll say yes, I can go. Reach for dreams I shelved a long time ago.”
That I can finally reach for you.
Hugo rubbed his free hand up and down Brand’s forearm. “Don’t be afraid to be who you are, Brand. If you’re a rancher, be the best damned rancher you can be. If you’re really a teacher, go be the best damned teacher you can be. Stop letting the choice tear you in two.”
They held eye contact for a long, intense moment, firelight glinting in Hugo’s dark brown depths. “And if who I truly am is a man who is intensely attracted to you but has a hard time saying it?”
“Then don’t say it.” Hugo’s gaze dropped briefly to Brand’s lips. “Show me.”
