Page 54 of Suddenly Tempted
Taking a deep, steadying breath, he walked around the mound of rocks, each step deliberate, as though something significant was about to happen. His heart thudded in his chest, the weight of what he was about to do pressing down on him like snow on a mountain. He paused for a moment, letting cold air fill his lungs.
As he rounded the last curve, the view before him opened up, and all at once the world seemed to shift. A gasp escaped him, unbidden, as his eyes took in the sweeping expanse of the mountains stretching to the horizon. The jagged peaks, crowned in snow and bathed in early morning light, seemed to glow with ethereal beauty. Their sharp edges softened by the gentle rays of the sun.
Ahead of him lay the whole world. At least, it looked that way. Fifty yards from where he stood, the mountain dropped away into a snow-covered valley, gentle slopes rising on both sides of it. It stretched for miles, pockets of forest gleaming like emeralds, and a frozen lake that glittered sapphire bright in the fiery light of the rising sun. It was the most glorious thing he had ever seen, even more so than the last time he’d been here.
For a long moment, Devlin stood frozen in place, overcome by a feeling that he couldn’t quite name. Awe, yes, but something deeper than that too. The wind, which had howled so fiercely through the night, now whispered softly around him. Carrying with it the scent of pine trees and snow, crisp and pure.
Devlin allowed himself to breathe for what felt like the first time in weeks — the first proper breath since his mum had passed away. He inhaled until his lungs felt like they might explode, and when he breathed it out, he finally felt at peace. Like he was stepping into a new life he didn’t yet fully understand but was somehow ready to embrace. For so long he’d been trying to outrun his demons, and more recently, trying to bury his grief under layers of success, adventure and distraction. But here, in this vast and quiet place, there was no more running. There was only stillness and the truth laid bare before him.
The last time he’d been here was three years ago, but it felt like yesterday. It had been another APEX Club Ball, and he’d flown his mum out for it too. This was before she’d become sick. She was still a picture of health, with a youthful exuberance that belied her years. He’d just had a huge row with Claudia, and his mum had been the one to keep him sane, keep him laughing. To say thank you, he’d flown her onto the mountain and led her here just as the sun was rising.
He remembered how she’d fallen silent, how she’d just taken it all in. She must have known, by then, that she was ill. She hadn’t said anything to him, of course, but she would have had her diagnosis. She’d taken his hand in hers and smiled.
“When you’ve seen something like this,” she had said to him, “it makes you realise how lucky you are to just be alive.”
Devlin had nodded, and they’d hugged, watching the sun rise until the cold drove them back to the helicopter. Years later, when his mum couldn’t get out of bed, she’d asked him for one last favour.
“Take me back there,” she had asked. “To the mountain, to that view. I’ve never felt so at peace as I did there with you that day. That’s where I want my for ever to be, Devlin.”
And so here he was, that same magnificent view ahead of him, his mum’s ashes cradled in his arms like a newborn baby. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve, his teeth chattering so much he could barely speak.
“Here we are, Mum,” he said. “Just like you wanted. I mean, you could have picked an easier place to get to, like the beach or something.” He laughed softly. “But I did it. I got you here. Well, not just me, Darcy too. You know that already, right?”
He could almost see her smile, the sparkle in her eyes. She would have taken his hand, patting it.
You’re a fool, Devlin, he heard her say.Coming up here with me, when you should be down there with her.
He twisted the lid of the tin, knowing his mum would have been right, but the cold had sealed it shut and his arm wasn’t strong enough to fight it.
“Come on,” he shouted. “Come on, open.”
He tried again, but the pain was too much — the agony in his heart worse than that in his arm. The tin stayed stubbornly closed, and with every passing second, Devlin felt his strength ebb away. After all this, after everything he’d been through, he couldn’t even say goodbye properly. He collapsed to the snow.
“I’m sorry,” he said. And he knew he wasn’t just apologising for this, he was apologising for everything — for his arrogance, for his bluntness. His mum had always known it was an act, but she’d always wanted him to be kinder, nicer. She’d wanted him to show the world the real Devlin. “I’m so sorry.”
“Devlin?”
The voice that called his name was gentle and soft, and unmistakable. He didn’t need to turn around to see who spoke it, but he did anyway. Darcy stood by the mound of rocks, dressed in full mountain gear. She smiled at him, tucking a strand of windswept hair into her hat as she stepped forward. He didn’t deserve that smile. He wanted to tell her to leave him alone, ashamed of the fact he’d abandoned her in the cabin, but he was too tired to get the words out. He just sat there in the snow, holding the tin.
“Let me help you,” Darcy said, crunching her way to him. She sat down beside him and rested her hand on top of his. “Nobody should be alone at a moment like this. Nobody.”
“But I need to be,” he croaked. Darcy shook her head.
“You don’t,” she said. “There is no reason you need to be on your own to do this. Let me help you.”
Her hand seemed to channel heat into his body, her smile warmer than the sun. He nodded, handing her the metal urn.
“I can’t get it open with just one hand,” he said.
She twisted and the lid came free.
“Here,” she said, standing up and offering her free hand. He took it and she helped him to his feet. Together, hand in hand, they walked to the edge of the cliff. Darcy handed him the urn and he clutched it.
“She loved this place more than anything,” he whispered.
“Have you ever thought that she loved this place because it reminded her of you,” Darcy replied, and he smiled at her.
That was something he had never considered, but now Darcy had said it, he thought it was probably the truth. He nudged Darcy gently with his shoulder.
