Page 16 of A Doctor's Promise
No, no, no!Finn knew this wasn’t good.
“Doctor Cooper?” The anaesthetist broke through Finn’s panic with his own. “BP dropping, O2 low, it looks like she’s going into tissue shock.”
Finn almost took out his anger on the anaesthetist, but he knew it was futile. The tumour was in every valve of the patient’s heart, it had spread its fingers into all the lining, into each of the ventricles, and there was no way he could remove it all without removing too much heart tissue. It was over.
He knew he’d have to call it. It would be harder than he imagined because the artificial heart kept the monitors beeping regularly, only the brain wasn’t functioning properly and Georgina’s liver and kidneys were irreparable from tissue shock. He looked at the clock on the wall.
“I’m calling it. Everyone in agreement?” They nodded, mutely. “Time of death, eleven sixteen am.”
And with that, he smacked the tray of instruments so hard they flew across the room and crashed against the opposite wall of the theatre.
“Close her up,” he shouted at his junior, and he ripped off his gloves and stormed out of the room.
She’s dead. It’s my fault.
Finn’s brain was a whirl of inner diatribe aimed towards himself. He bashed through the doors of the theatre and scrubbed out as quickly as he could whilst still be thorough. His hands were red raw by the time he’d finished, but he couldn’t feel the pain from the scalding water, only the hurt from what he’d just done.
There was a family out there now without a wife, without a mother, and it was his fault. Finn wished for a split second that he’d not signed the papers for the clinical trial. He could have dealt with the wrath of the hospital director better than he was dealing with the death of this patient. He wanted to retreat back to carrying out bypasses, knowing that his patients were in good hands.
But are they?
The hospital was thronging as Finn made his way out of the theatre and onto the Oncology ward. Everyone he flew past in his rage seemed to be staring at him. The incessant beeping of machines, ringing of phones, and chatter of people all drummed through Finn’s head as he marched through the corridor unsure of where he was going. The walls were closing in on him. He could feel his chest restricting, his throat closing up. Reaching out a hand, Finn felt the cool wall beneath his fingers and leant against it for support. The wash of panic started to die down and was replaced with red hot anger.
I was too distracted.
Finn pushed himself upright and stormed on towards Edie’s office, the blood pulsing in his ears. The walls of the corridors flew past in a blur of notice boards and paintings. He needed to get to Edie, to pass on his blame, to tell her to leave the trial and get out of Norfolk Coastal General for good. And just like that she was in front of him. Her huge violet eyes flashed darkly as she placed a hand on his chest and pretty much forced him out of the corridor and into an empty room, where she pinned him up against a wall.
Edie slammed the door shut with her free hand without dropping her eyes from Finn’s. They’d ended up in a teaching room, next door to her office. Luckily it had been empty, and with the noise from the hospital shut away for a moment, all Edie could hear now was the rasping breath that she hoped was coming from Finn and not herself. He was pale, his eyes looked bloodshot, like he’d spent all the previous night awake. A pang of guilt hit Edie right in the stomach.
“What are you doing?” she hissed, acutely aware of her proximity to Finn now the adrenaline was wearing off.
She still had him pinned to the wall, yet her hand wasn’t pressing hard on his chest. Through his surgical scrubs, Edie could feel Finn’s heart pounding, she could also feel how taut and muscular his chest was and her hand loosened its grip. She felt her cheeks heat. Her face was so close to his, she could feel his hot minty breath on her forehead. As she tilted her head up their eyes met, and Edie gasped at the fury written all over his face.
What am I doing? He’s my boss and I’ve got him pinned to a wall!
“I’m sorry,” she said, jumping back and letting him free. “I… I just didn’t think it was a good idea that you met the family when you were obviously so angry. It’s not fair on them. I didn’t mean to push you.”
Her own heart was now hammering. When he’d looked at her just then, his eyes were so dark she had been scared by her feelings for him. His face so close to hers, his body under her touch. Especially as she knew he had feelings for her too. Her body had overwritten the rules her heart had laid out to her last night.
After she’d fled from Finn’s farmhouse, all the way home Edie had been fighting the urge to run back and gather Finn up in her arms, to kiss him until the morning, to tell him she had feelings for him too. It was so unfair. Finn was a good man, he was a gorgeous man, and he had been standing there in front of her being so open and honest that it had been like a breath of fresh air. He had opened up to her and she had thrown it back in his face.
Edie wanted to tell him why she had run off, but to do so she’d need to tell him her story too, tell him she was pregnant. And there was no way that could be done. Not if she wanted to keep her job.
“You need to leave,” Finn spat, his face twisted. “It’s all your fault.”
What
“I don’t understand,” Edie said, her stomach dropping out from under her.
Finn’s face relaxed a little, his eyes searching for something in her.
“It’s your fault,” he said again, this time with less anger. “Georgina, she didn’t make it.”
Thoughts clicked into place in Edie’s mind, as Finn carried on talking.
“I was distracted in there. I should never have invited you over last night and told you my life story,” Finn choked, stopping midway through his sentence. “You distracted me, and Rachel died.”
Edie didn’t miss the mistake in Finn’s words.
