Page 35 of A Doctor's Promise
Edie tried so hard to hold it together as they walked through the security doors of the cardiac department. It had been such an emotional morning, and the results of the surgery had been so positive that Edie hadn’t for one second stopped to think about what this meant for her and Finn and Anna.
And now? Now Edie felt guilty at the sadness overcoming her, because surely this should be nothing but a happy ending.
“This way,” Finn said, leading them to the end of the ward.
They passed the closed curtains of the cubicles, filled with patients being cared for by the wonderful nursed and doctors. The ward was full of the sounds of medical equipment. The beeps of heart monitors, the alarms signalling IV bags needed changing, the constant ringing of the ward phone. Edie should have felt right at home in this environment, having worked in a hospital the entire lifespan of her career. But, right now, she felt out of her depth and in need of fresh air and daylight and silence.
Finn opened the door of a private room. The hospital bed looked vulnerable right in the middle of the room, machines all around it measured the vital statistics of Mary, who looked half formed under the blue of the hospital blankets.
Finn carefully placed Anna on the floor and held her hand as she walked tentatively over to where her mum was sleeping. Edie could see the white knuckles of the girl and could imagine just how scary this was for her. But it was the right thing to do. Anna had dealt with so much illness and pain, that she deserved to be with her mum whenever it was possible. Edie felt hot tears running down her cheeks and wiped them away with the back of her hand.
“Hello, mummy,” Anna said quietly. “I’m glad you’re still alive.”
Anna raised her little hand and stroked the back of Mary’s, careful to not knock the cannula taped into her veins. That was enough to send Edie into a sobbing mess. She crept out of the room and into the ward, doubled over in pain and in happiness. The emotions too much for her to take. Not once did she feel unprofessional, this had gone way past professional. Perhaps the board had been right to be so angry with her suggestion, looking at it now, with new eyes, it was too close, too real. She didn’t feel like a psychotherapist trying to help her patients, she felt like a family member torn away from their loved ones.
Yet seeing Anna with Mary had thrown home just how much the child needed her parent. Edie leant against the wall, her hands over her bump, trying to regain control of her emotions once more. Some meditative breaths and a round of controlled thinking started to help as Finn opened the door of the private room and quietly stepped out.
“Oh Finn,” Edie sobbed into his scrubs. “I’m so happy that the surgery worked. I just didn’t realise how close I had gotten to Anna. I was ready to take her on as my own. What were we thinking? Why did we allow ourselves to get so drawn into our patient’s lives?”
Finn hushed her, stroking her hair as she lay her head against his chest.
“I know, Edie. I know,” he said. “Me too. I was all ready for us to be a little family and I’m heartbroken too. And I feel so guilty that I’m feeling this way, because the surgery was a success.”
Edie nodded into his chest; words would not come anymore.
“But we still have each other. We will always have each other.”
Edie felt her heart break a little bit more. Yes, Finn had been ready to take on another person’s child, but that was different.Thiswas different.
“Edie, Doctor Finn, my mummy is awake and she wants to see you.” Anna’s quiet voice cut through the ward noise as clearly as day.
Edie pulled away from Finn and wiped her tears.
Time to be professional again.
15
Finn sat cradling an ice-cold glass of Champagne. He took in his surroundings with interest. It hadn’t been the home he would have imagined Edie in, it was too new, too clinical. But he knew she was renting, and had moved in a hurry, and took this to be the reason she had picked an estate on the outskirts of the seaside town.
Edie came into the room, rubbing her eyes and yawning. She had changed while she had been upstairs putting Anna to sleep in the spare room. Her white, brushed cotton pyjamas looked stroke-able and Finn had to resist the urge to go and run his hands up and down her arms.
“Who knew getting a child to sleep was so exhausting in itself. And it’s only been one night,” she joked. “I’ve put some milk on the stove for some hot chocolate. I don’t know about you, but I could use something sweet and comforting after today.”
Finn looked at her, her hair swept up in a messy bun, held together with a flowery hairband. Her skin glowing, probably with a healthy slathering of moisturiser, but it looked soft and shiny and beautiful. She looked an image of perfection. He stood up from the new smelling sofa and walked over to her, his heart pounding all the way up to his throat. They had so much to say to each other, yet all he wanted to do was kiss her.
“Can I?” he asked, his hands gently on the sides of her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks.
Instead of answering him, Edie stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him, enjoying the warmth of her body and the scent of her skin. They kissed like they were the only two people in the world, Finn felt his body reacting to her and didn’t ever want to let her go.
She pulled away and smiled up at him through her eyelashes.
“I’d better see to that milk,” she said, biting her lip playfully. “Don’t go anywhere.”
As if!he thought, following her through to the kitchen.
This room was a new and shiny as the rest of the house. A small, but functional space. He watched, silently, as Edie padded over to the hob and stirred the milk in the pan. She fetched two large mugs from an overhead cupboard and found the hot chocolate at the back of another. Carefully she tipped a splash of hot milk over chocolate in each of the mugs, whisking it to make a thick sauce. Finn felt his mouth water when she topped up the mugs with more milk and finished them off with cream and marshmallows.
“I’m coming here every night if this is what’s on offer,” he said, his cheeks flaming at the significance of his words.
