Page 88 of How to Blow It with a Billionaire

“Thank you.”

“I’m incredibly jet-lagged anyway. I probably won’t notice if you slip out to join a mariachi band.”

He stubbed out his cigarette, put the saucer to one side, and drew me fully into his arms. “Then you should sleep, my Arden.”

“Will you?” I brushed a finger against the corner of his eye. “You look tired too.”

“I missed you.”

I was going to say something about my absence being no excuse for Caspian not taking proper care of himself. But I was too cozy. Too cozy for anything except snuggling. And a bit of happy mumble-purring.

At some point, I did become vaguely aware of being disentangled. Nudged gently across the bed and tucked up. But it was okay. I could still feel the shape of Caspian behind me. And the pattern of his breath was as comforting as the fall of raindrops against my window back in Kinlochbervie.

Chapter 22

Of course, I woke up alone. And, thanks to jet lag, it was still the middle of the night. I rolled about, trying to re-snuggle, but it wasn’t happening. The empty space beside me just made me sad. Even though I knew Caspian wasn’t trying to hurt me, any more than I was doing something to drive him away.

The last time I’d gone looking for him hadn’t exactly been a rousing success, but we’d both been independently messed up, and, presumably, if I didn’t descend on him wailing about Nathaniel like I’d been possessed by the spirit of lovers past it would go better. And, anyway, if I could spontaneously ask Poppy Carrie for an interview, I could go and find Caspian.

Hell yes, I could.

Throwing off the covers, I scrabbled about on the floor for my pajama bottoms and padded out into the hall. I expected he’d be in the living area, but he wasn’t. It was empty, caught in the eerie half-light of the city’s ceaseless glow. Maybe he was sleeping somewhere else? Except no sign of him in any of the bedrooms.

Shit. Maybe he’d left?

Fuck me sideways, he’d better not have. If he’d fucked off on me after last night I…well, I had no idea what I’d do. But I knew this wasn’t the sort of thing I’d get over. My stomach knotted with a strange mixture of preemptive anger and fear. While my heart was already begging: please don’t do this to me, Caspian.

Then I heard it: a gasping sound, almost a sob.

I turned. Followed it like a ninja. And, for the record, I wouldn’t normally have burst in on someone in the bathroom, especially if weird noises were involved, but the door was half open and I could see Caspian inside. He was braced against the marble counter, head down. What I could see of his face in the mirror was pale, sweat damp like his tangled hair, and he was trembling violently.

Don’t tell me I’d done this to him again.

“C-Caspian?”

He glanced up, his reflected eyes red-rimmed, damp, and desolate. Meeting mine only briefly.

“What’s wrong? Are you—” I remembered just in time how he’d reacted to the word triggered. “Is it like before?”

“No. No. Nothing like that. I’m…oh God, don’t laugh.”

“Of course I—”

My assurance was lost as he rushed on. “I had a dream.”

I guess maybe some people might have found it funny. He was, after all, a grown man, and a powerful one, and only children were supposed to be scared of dreams. But I’d heard my mum begging and screaming in hers way too often to take them lightly. “You mean, a nightmare?”

After a moment, he nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it? It’s okay if you don’t, but sometimes it helps. Was someone hurting you?”

“No. I…I…”

Suddenly he spun away from the counter and pulled me into his arms so fiercely it almost knocked the wind out of me. I hugged him back and, for once, he didn’t protest or pull away, his body this tangle of physical anguish against mine, all hot, rough breath and the panicked heartbeat of a wounded beast. And then, before I quite knew what was happening, he was on his knees, clinging to me.

“I was hurting you,” he whispered.

It felt about eighty-seven types of weird to be standing when Caspian wasn’t. On any other occasion I would probably have hit the floor too in order to balance things out. But I knew that wasn’t what he needed from me tonight. So I stopped worrying. Curled my fingers very lightly into his hair, trying to soothe him. “It was only a dream.”

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