Page 59 of Dallas

“Well, I’m about done for the day anyway,” Wyatt says. “It’s getting too warm. We can stop by the house and have some beer.”

“Oh. I’ve probably got to get back. I promised Sarah that I’d bring her some dinner.”

Grant and Wyatt exchange a glance. “Sarah?”

“His friend,” my dad says quickly.

“Thanks, Dad,” I say. Though a bit dry, since the way he said it almost made it sound even more like she was my girlfriend than if he hadn’t said anything at all.

“You’re getting on in years,” Wyatt says, clapping his hand on my back. “It might be time for you to settle down.”

“Yeah, no,” I say, but I’m thinking about Sarah, and the way her lips felt against mine.

“I got married young,” Grant says. “I don’t regret it.”

I know for him it’s complicated. But I can understand that.

I knew Uncle Grant before he married his wife, McKenna. But he was marriedbeforethat. I never knew his high school sweetheart, who died of cancer not long after they got together. I don’t know his whole story, but I do know that he was pretty much a monk until he met McKenna. I remember that version of him. Prickly and difficult, and he’s basically like a different person now. He has little kids, he’s in love. He smiles now, which he never did before.

“That’s great. But I’m kind of doing the rodeo thing right now, and…”

“I think the bull riders get too much action for him to consider settling down is what he’s saying,” and I turn and look at my dad with what I know is an incredulous expression on my face, because I can’t even believe that he would acknowledge such a thing.

“What?” he asks.

Sadly for him, I know more about his personal history than that. I know how he dated a woman named Olivia for years and she was making him wait till marriage to have sex. My dad isnotan anonymous hookup type.

The truth is, I’m not really either. I’ve done it, but it doesn’t make me feel great. I’ve done it, but it makes me feel lonely and a little bit sad.

“Let him have fun,” Wyatt says. “Having spent some time playing the field myself, I endorse it. Because then you really know what you have when you finally do settle down. Also, you never know, the woman for you may not be ready to be yours yet, so you have to wait sometimes.”

I think about Sarah. About that kiss.

About how young she is, and how much shit she’s already been through.

“Lindy was married when I met her,” Wyatt says. “When I saw her for the first time that night she walked into that bar, I thought my whole life had been turned upside down, and then she was off limits. But eventually, she wasn’t. Eventually, that feeling I had the first time I saw her, it made sense. It wasn’t really love at first sight, I guess, but it was a recognition of something. That something grew into love. When it was time.”

I snort and try to use the force of it to take some of theweight off my chest. “That’s your endorsement? Play the field while I wait around for some woman to be into me?”

“Worked for me,” he says.

I grimace, but there’s something about what he said that keeps on tugging at me, and does the whole way home.

There are clouds gathering just over the top of the mountains, which isn’t my favorite thing.

You would think that a little bit of rain in the middle of summer would be nice. But if it gets too dry, we just end up with heat lightning and not quite enough rain. When that happens, a lightning strike can set the forest ablaze, which isn’t ideal for anyone.

It’s getting more and more humid, the air heavy with the scent of impending rain. I pull my truck into the driveway and just let it sit. I decide that I don’t want to go into the house, not just yet. There’s something inside me that feels raw and edgy, and I’m thinking way too much about the kiss for my own liking.

So I get out of the truck, and walk down the trail that leads to the swimming hole just behind my dad’s house.

I strip my shirt off, my jeans, my boots. I leave my black boxers on and throw myself into the water. I submerge myself in the icy cold, hoping that it will wash away all the confusion inside of me.

It’s not working, not so far.

For a moment I hold my breath, and I imagine letting the water drag me down. I feel like I’m floating in space, but I’m not alone. She’s there. She’s always there.

I find myself kicking back up to the surface, breaking through and gasping for air.

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