“So, I can only have you on yours?”
Was that what he was doing? His way or the highway?
No. She wanted him to be her damn crutch through life, and he deserved more than that.
You love her, but you’re taking yourself out of her life completely as punishment for not feeling the same way? For being afraid? Asshole.
So what? He took another drink. He deserved more. He deserved more than a mess of a house and a mother who loved garbage more than she loved people. He deserved more than a friend who loved safety more than she loved him.
And maybe she deserved more than a love with conditions.
He took another drink and stared out the window at the snow. He had a feeling his heart and his pride were going to do battle tonight.
And he had no idea who was going to win.
Samantha slept on the floor by the fire with Poppy. Well, she didn’t really sleep. She tossed and turned, her entire body aching.
She hadn’t known heartbreak was physical. Hadn’t known she would really feel like a part of herself hadshattered. She’d imagined she’d felt heartbreak before, but she’d been wrong.
Nothing was like this. Nothing.
Being in Jace’s house without him was a special kind of hell. She needed to find another place to stay, but she didn’t want to. Because it smelled like him here.
She wanted to crawl into his bed and inhale his scent, wrap herself in it.
But she denied herself. Because she didn’t deserve it.
She kept replaying her own words, hearing how small they sounded. How pitifully meager in light of what he’d offered.
She pulled her knees up against her chest. She’d lost him now. In every way. As her support. As her lover. As her friend.
She wanted to be angry. To scream at him and say this was why she couldn’t do it. Because losing him would hurt too much.
Because it did hurt too much.
So much. So much she didn’t know if she would survive it.
He left because he offered you his heart, and you asked him for something else. You didn’t offer a damn thing.
A tear rolled down her cheek and she squinted, the light from the fire blurring into orange stars, the heat on her face doing nothing to heat the chill in her soul.
It was the truth. He’d laid it all on the line, and she’d rejected it. Rejected him.
Because she’d been afraid. But not of what she’d thought.
The realization made a sob catch in her throat. Jace was already everything to her. No matter what she’d let herself think. No matter what lies she’d told herself.
She hadn’t needed to share his bed for him to have her heart. He’d always had it. Always. It was why she’d never let her relationships progress past a certain point. It was why no one had ever been important enough to replace him in her life, to come between the two of them.
She loved him. She’d always loved him.
He was her everything. Not just her support, but hereverything.
And what would happen when he realized that she could never be his? That was her real fear. That he would suddenly look at her and see what her father must have seen when he decided to walk out. What her mother must have seen when she’d let her teenage daughter stay behind in a different state.
That he would realize at some point she wasn’t worth all that emotion.
She closed her eyes and scooted closer to Poppy, resting her head on her dog’s shoulder. “What did I do?”