Page 126 of Dallas

“But I didn’t want it to!”

“And what, Sam, you honestly believed it wouldn’t? Honestly?”

“I don’t know. You’re a guy and...”

“I am your best friend, Samantha. I would never use you that way. Ever. How could you not know I had feelings for you?”

“Because you said,” she began, her voice shaking, “you said we’d just get it out of our systems.”

“I thought maybe it was possible,” he said, his voice unsteady too. “But not after. Not after it happened.”

“I can’t do this.”

“Why?” He moved closer to her, still naked, his expression stark, raw. Painful. “Why can’t you do this with me?”

“I don’t know if I can ever do this with anyone.”

“But why not me, Sam? Don’t you feel something for me?”

“Jace...you are...you’re my rock. You’re my...everything. And me and men...it never works. I don’t know how to have that kind of relationship. I don’t like it. I don’t...do well with it.”

“Bullshit.”

“I don’t! It’s never worked.”

“It was never me.”

“Like that would really change anything?” she asked, regretting the words as she spoke them, panic driving her on. “My mom left me, Jace. My mom left me here and never came back. She didn’t even care. I don’t...people don’t stay with me.”

“And I’ve only stood by you for fourteen years. Not much of a guarantee.”

“It’s different. I...Jace....” She took a deep breath. “I have had so much...so much loss. And not a moment of stability, until you. I need you. Don’t you understand? I need you where you were. I need my friend. My support system.” She put her hand on his cheek. “If I don’t have you here to hold me up, my whole world will crumble and I can’t risk that for sex, for...for this idea of love when I’ve never, ever seen that version of it last.”

Jace stumbled back like he’d been punched in the stomach, and she felt the impact in hers.

“Tell me you understand,” she whispered.

He nodded, a muscle in his jaw jumping. “I understand.”

“Thank you,” she said.

“I understand, but I’m not going to do it.”

“What?”

“I’m not going to be your fucking support system,” he said, his tone hard, even. “I am not here to prop you up. Stand on your own damn feet, Samantha. You aren’t a child. You’re a grown woman, and I’m a man. I’m not going to be half a person to you. Just here to fill your needs. Because I want everything. I want to be your friend. I want to be your lover. I want to be your husband.”

She felt like her world was falling away, the ground disintegrating, slipping from beneath her feet. “Jace...”

“You can’t have me only on your terms.”

“So, I can only have you on yours?” she asked, a tear sliding down her cheek. “That’s not fair. That’s...”

“Put your dog on the couch. Let her drink out of the toilet, wash the dishes with your thumb, bake pies inside cakes—that’s fine as long as I can have you. I want you, Sam. But I want all of you. Not half.”

“Maybe...maybe you feel like that now. And maybe you want me now. But in five years? I don’t...I don’t think you will. And it’s not worth it to me. There’s too much risk and I...I can’t.”

She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth, as she watched them hit Jace with the force of a slap. He swallowed hard, the expression on his face so pained it tore into her guts.

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