Page 89 of Lights, Camera, Love

His lips split into a smile as he stares ahead, imagining it. ‘He’s frustratingly adorable, isn’t he?’

My smile grows. ‘The worst.’

Austin’s cheeks darken as he glances at me, his eyes soft at the edges. ‘That smile.’

I suck in a huge breath. ‘I know. It’s deadly.’

He clutches his jaw, his words coming out clipped. ‘Evie, I … I want you to know that I … Ineverthought about Kye like that when we were younger. Not even once. This all started around the time I split up with Nadia.’ He cuts me another sidelong glance, an uncertain look in his eyes. ‘Did he tell you about that?’

I nod. ‘Yeah. All of it, I think.’

He blinks down, taking a moment to continue. ‘I was devastated when I found out that they’d hooked up. Like, wanted-to-jump-off-a-bridge kind of devastated.’ He tips his tormented gaze to the ceiling. ‘But no matter how much I tried to deny what was really bothering me, I just couldn’t get away from it.’ His throat closes over the words. ‘I wasn’t … I wasn’t jealous of Kye being with Nadia. I was crazy jealous of Nadia being withKye.’

His breath stutters from his lungs, and I fall silent, lost as to what to say.

Austin rubs his hand back and forth over his brow. ‘Nothing …no onecan really hurt me except for him,’ he says. ‘And I don’t want any of this to ruin my friendship with him, and I know he doesn’t swing that way, but seeing Kye with you—’ His voice breaks open, anda tear runs down his cheek, which he brushes away. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he chokes out. ‘I’m so sorry I’m such a selfish asshole who can’t just be happy for you guys.’

‘Austin,’ I cut in, my brows drawn together, ‘please don’t say that. This is a really, really confusing and difficult situation.’

A horrible, helpless feeling begins to invade my stomach, and I have to turn away so that Austin doesn’t see the thoughts crumpling my face.What if Kye feels the same way as Austin? What if he does swing that way? What if that’s why they’ve always been so close?

I think back to all the times Kye straightened Austin’s jacket or fiddled with his hat … guided him through his dance steps with careful attention … went above and beyond to support his career. Then there were the moments Kye let Austin order for him off a menu, or when Kye told me he loves travelling the world with Austin. Are any of these—allof these—signs of being in love with someone?

My fingertips shake as I press them to the corners of my eyes. I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of anyone’s happiness, but if I lost Kye to Austin right now, I think I’d crumble, never to be put back together the same way again.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the course of my life, though, it’s that it’s better to know the truth—however painful it might be—than to let your deepest fears fill in the blanks for you. It wasn’t easy finding out that my mum made it difficult for my father to seeme when I was born, and that it wasn’t entirely his fault we don’t have a relationship, but at least I’m no longer living in the dark. Knowing the truth gives me the option to do what I want with it—something I feel like I’ve been robbed of until now.

I need to know where I stand with Kye, and so does Austin. There’s only one way to find out, and it has to be the best thing for everyone involved. It’s the only path out of this.

I lay my palm over Austin’s knee. ‘I think you should tell him the truth,’ I say gently. ‘Tell him how you really feel. Kye deserves that, and so do you.’

Austin covers my hand with his. ‘I’m so afraid of what he’s going to say, Evie,’ he whispers, fear burning in his eyes.

My fingers curl around his, squeezing tightly.

You and me both.

CHAPTER 23

Kye

Despite the storms rushing in and out of the sky, I spend the next few days hiking the windswept trails of the coastal national park. Mike’s theory about my oldest friend having romantic feelings for me has sent me running for the hills—literally. But this morning, I had a bit of a breakthrough. While resting on a sloped rock up near the lighthouse, chewing on an apple, I spotted a shiny black dung beetle burrowing into a mound of mud beside my boot. Those unappreciated little bugs dedicate their lives to carrying and burying shit, all day, every day. Why was I being so goddamn precious?

Now, I’m sitting in my car across from the beach, the wild weather transforming this idyllic spot into a true-crime series backdrop, tapping out a text to Austin.

ME:Hey, you at home?

He replies immediately.

AUSTIN:Yes

ME:I should be back in about an hour. Got time for a chat, or you heading out?

AUSTIN:Of course, bro … I’ll be here

Another text follows right after.

AUSTIN:Anything for u

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