Page 70 of Love, Just In

‘Have you spoken to someone about all this?’ I ask gently. ‘A counsellor?’

He nods. ‘It’s helped with things like being able to get behind the wheel of a car without falling apart, but I honestly just need to keep toughing it out and putting my big-boy pants on.’ His expression hardens with the same look I saw on his face at the funeral.

‘You know it’s just as brave to say you’re not OK, right?’

He looks down and releases a long breath.

God, I was an idiot to get into that car with Lindsay after he’d been drinking. I hadn’t realised how much pain Zac was still in over the accident. I screwed everything up between us again, and now I have to live with it.

‘We should get going,’ I say, my voice fading. ‘I’ll stay in a motel until I find someone who doesn’t mind a temporary housemate.’

I turn for the car, but Zac catches my forearm. ‘I don’t want you to do that.’ Regret burns in his eyes. ‘I overreacted. I’m sorry. You know that drunk drivers are a seriously sore point for me, and when I saw you lying in that hospital bed, I just … fuck.’ He inhales a throttled breath. ‘I was living my worst nightmare. I’m so sorry, Jose.’

I clasp my hand over his, and his palm turns upward, pressing into mine. I give his hand a light squeeze and let go, but he holds on. My breath stalls as he gazes down at me, the spot where his fingers are gently kneading mine now the focal point of the entire world.

I need to say something, but no words form. I just stare up at him as his eyes flicker back and forth between my own before his gaze begins to travel over my face, finishing with a very clear drop to my mouth.

What is happening right now?

A blush creeps up my neck and across my cheeks.

‘Are we OK?’ Zac asks softly.

I assume he’s talking about our friendship, which throws me, so I force out a smile and nod, which is pure performance.

Because the thing is, I want him to kiss me. Right now.

I want him to kiss me stupid.

I want him to press me up against the car and kiss me until there’s no breath left in my body.

Even though he’s dating someone, and we have fourteen years of friendship to lose.

I just can’t keep trying to fight against it anymore. I won’t.

But as those thoughts settle in my head with perfect clarity, Zac’s fingers let go of mine, and he turns away from me.

CHAPTER 25

Nine years ago

Zac twists the heel of his shoe back and forth through the wood chips, digging a little trench.

‘So, who do you wanna go to the formal with?’ he asks.

I run my palms up and down the park swing’s ice-cold chain and push my tongue into my cheek. ‘Who doyouwanna go with?’

‘No way.’ He hunches forward on his swing seat to pin me in his stare, his dark-chocolate curls flopping everywhere like a rag doll’s. ‘I asked you first, sunbeam.’

I stare at the playground’s rickety old seesaw and shrug. ‘There’s really no one I want to go with,’ I admit. Objectively, Damien Di Fiori is still probably the hottest guy in our year—although Zac won the poll some of the girls did recently—but I lost interest in Damien years ago. Plus, he’s been with Amy for weeks now.

‘I don’t want to go with anyone either,’ Zac mumbles, swaying back and forth a little as he keeps his huge feetplanted on the ground. Given that Zac’s dated different girls at school for most of the year, it’s pretty unlucky timing that he’s ended up single a month before the graduation formal. But because we both just got into the same university and will be moving to Bathurst for three years, he said he ‘doesn’t want any attachments’, which I guess is a wise call.

‘I might go on my own,’ I decide. ‘Go stag.’

‘I think only boys can go stag. That’s why it’s “stag”, like a male deer.’

‘Really? What about girls, then? Does that mean girls go “doe”?’

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