Page 110 of Love, Just In

My eyes make a sweep of the waterfront bar, but I’m fifteen minutes early and there’s no sign of him. I order a glass of rosé and settle into a table facing the lit-up arch of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, grateful for the relatively warm temperature for this time of year. As smartly dressed urbanites stroll along the promenade in thick clusters, I get a pang for the low-key vibe of Newcastle and its mellow cafés, sleepy beaches and quiet, leafy walks.

A hand lands on my shoulder, and I twist to meet Zac’s slightly flushed face. I lurch out of my seat to hug him, his arm sliding around to cup my lower back.I’ve missed everything about him—his touch, his smell, his presence—but when I press a little closer, he gently untangles himself from me.

‘You OK for a drink?’ he offers, even though my wine’s barely been touched.

‘I’m good, thanks.’

When he returns from the bar gripping a foamy beer, I suck in his handsome features and black T-shirt that says ‘Cute But Crazy’ as he sinks into a chair across from me.

‘How are you?’ I ask.

He taps his fingers on the table, and I have to make a fist in my lap to stop myself from reaching for him.

‘I’m OK,’ he replies with an exhale. ‘It’s been a long day. We’re doing a wellbeing week for new critical care hires. It’s basically a big love-in where we all talk about our feelings.’ One side of his mouth quirks up.

‘Oh, in that case,’ I say over the tug in my throat, ‘you probably didn’t need to bother coming because you’re a guy and, therefore, will have absolutely nothing to say about feelings.’

A light laugh bubbles out of him. ‘That’s a bit of a sexist comment, isn’t it?’

I smile, and we manage to relax enough to chat more about his short Sydney stay and how my visit’s been going with Christina. It still feels like the strangest thing that the two of them have never met—like a left shoe without a right—but I assure him that’ll be rectified tonight if he’s happy to stay until she gets here.

‘You mean I have to wait until a woman’s done shopping?’ he asks with a grimace that’s all show.

I exaggerate my frown. ‘That’s a bit of a sexist comment, isn’t it?’

His gaze falls as he smiles, and a long moment of silence chews up the air. It hits me now that, in the past few weeks, I’ve gone from feeling stupidly happy to unbearably lost.

The question throbbing in my chest comes out faintly. ‘You’re not here with Meghan, are you?’

Zac’s frown is instant. ‘What? No, why would I be?’

I almost collapse with relief. ‘Thank god. I saw her here in Sydney, and I just thought—’

‘Of course not.’ When his soft eyes hold mine, I just about lose my breath.

‘I’m really glad you said yes to meeting up,’ I venture with a slight tremble. ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d want to.’

Emotion deepens in his eyes. ‘I alwayswantto. That’s never been the problem.’ He blinks away from me. ‘Or maybe that is the problem. I want to a little too much.’

A feeling of hopeful excitement blows through my stomach.

‘Zac.’ I reach out and lay my hand over his forearm.

He doesn’t respond to the touch, but he doesn’t shift away from me either. ‘Jose, the reason I agreed to meet is because I wanted to talk to you about something.’

My heart kicks into a gallop. ‘Yes?’

‘Why didn’t you go for your test?’

My stomach curdles at the mention of the lump in my breast that I’ve been fighting like hell not to think about, and my palm slips off his arm.So, that’s what he wants to talk about. Not us.

‘I’m really worried it’s because of me,’ Zac adds, his expression turning serious. ‘Because I upset you and scared you down here.’

‘It wasn’t because of you,’ I mumble.

‘Then why?’

I shrug my shoulders, tears threatening my eyes. ‘Because I’m fucked up, Zac. I’m not a normal person; I’m not a sane person. I’m someone who, because of this anxiety, screwed up the best chance I had to become a TV newsreader, which you know has been my dream since high school. And that’s fine, because I don’t deserve that job if I can’t handle myself on air.’

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