Page 100 of Love, Just In

My laugh comes out strained. ‘On a cold day in hell.’

We chat about his parents for a bit before his cheeks tint pink. ‘I actually have some news. I got a phone call when I was up there. I’m going to be the next critical care paramedic for the Hunter region.’

‘Oh my gosh! Are you serious?’ I leap up and wrap my arms around his back, intending only to squeeze my congratulations into him, but the press of his firm chest against mine and the divine smell of his hair make me hold on tighter. My lips turn into his neck before I regain my resolve and pull away.

‘That’s bloody brilliant, Zac,’ I say, sitting back down. ‘You’re going to nail it.’

He blushes. ‘Thank you. I’m fucking nervous, but whatever. I’ll figure it out. I’m just so relieved that I finally feel strong enough to be able to do a job like that. Talk about a milestone.’

‘I’m so proud of you,’ I say as a thought crashes into my mind.

Zac can’t move to Sydney now. That’s it—he’s staying up here, no matter what. And after that viral video, I might not even have a job anymore at NRN News. I could be sent home tomorrow.

My shoulders tense, and Zac glances at me with a trace of a frown. ‘What is it?’

With a long sigh, I open the gaffe video, sliding my phone towards him.

‘What’s this?’ he asks as he presses play. I hold my head in my hands while he watches the embarrassing clip.

‘Oh no, Jose …’ He traps me in his soft gaze. ‘What happened?’

I shrug helplessly. ‘It was because of the topic, the cancer thing. After my appointment, talking about someone not much older than me who’d just died of breast cancer freaked me the hell out. I went dead; I was like a bloody corpse. Just like that time on Pink Ribbon Day, except this time it was even worse because I was the news anchor.’

He tuts a sound of sympathy and leans closer to pull me into his arms. I clutch on to his back, nuzzling into him like a safe space.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he says into my hair. ‘But this kind of thing happens, right? It’s live TV.’

‘This kind of thing should definitelynothappen. Not at this level. I could get fired for this now that it’s become so public.’

We separate, but he reaches out to tangle our fingers together.

‘I guess I’ll find out soon,’ I add, checking the time on my phone. I have to leave in an hour. I force myself to grow a spine and slap on the bravest face I can muster.

‘Zac, we need to talk,’ I say, my hand turning clammy inside his.

He stiffens at my change in tone, even though this can’t be a surprise to him. ‘Yeah?’

I inhale a quivery breath, feeling like I’m driving my car along the edge of a deep ravine in pitch-black darkness. One wrong turn, and I’ll plummet to my death.

‘Obviously, things have taken a turn here,’ I begin carefully. ‘And I am happy about that.’ Warmth sparks in his eyes as I squeeze his fingers. ‘ButI think it’s probably a good idea if we talk about where we’re both at with this thing and set some boundaries.’Fuck, I wish I’d planned this out better.

‘Boundaries?’ Zac leans back a little, although he doesn’t let go of my hand.

I swallow past the razor in my throat. ‘I don’t want to get allseriouson you right away, but this isn’t exactly a normal situation where we just met and are getting to know each other. There’s a lot at stake here already, and the most important thing to me is that I don’t lose your friendship. Or should I say that you don’t losemyfriendship and support in your life.’

He blinks at me for a long moment. ‘Are you saying you just want to be friends?’ he eventually asks, his grip on my hand loosening.

‘No,’ I reply quickly. ‘But I think we need to have a serious think about where this is going and whether it’s really the right thing for you.’

‘Forme?’

His hand slowly slides out of mine, and my heart thumps harder as I figure out what I’m trying to say. ‘Zac, you just got an amazing job up here. And you seem really happy in Newcastle. You’ve got a lovely home … a dog.’ He gives me a what-the-hell look, but I keep going. ‘You know I’m not an easy person to be with. You’ve seen that already. And I don’t even know if I’m healthy or how long I’m going to be around.’ He frowns, but I barrel on through my muddled thoughts. ‘I’ve pretty much screwed up my chances at NRN News, and I’m not sure how that’s going to go down in Sydney, but you already know that I’m moving back there soon.’

Silence stretches between us. I reach my hand out, but the expression on Zac’s face stops me from connecting our fingers again.

‘I’m not saying I don’t want this,’ I clarify, trembling. ‘But I don’t want to hurt you, either. Do you understand that? Ineverwant to hurt you. You’ve been through so much already and have worked so hard to feel settled again. And yes, this new thing between us feels good, but so does the friendship. Our friendship is very important to me. So, for once, I’m trying to think things through.’

He shakes his head a little and looks down. When his gaze lifts back to mine, emotion builds in his eyes. ‘We jumped off the cliff, Josie. We did that. We can’t climb back up and pretend it didn’t happen.’

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