Page 81 of Love, Just In

A sad smile barely lifts his mouth. ‘Because you want to marry Todd, the investment banker from Bronte.’

I frown. ‘Who?’

‘Yeah, my thoughts exactly,’ he mutters. ‘Or should I sayLindsay, the business analyst from Newcastle.’

I tilt my cheek into his fingers. ‘You know I wasn’t into him. It was pretty hard to be when I couldn’t stop thinking about you.’

A soft line appears between Zac’s brows, his expression caught between happy and sad. ‘You have no idea how hard it was for me to see you with him.’

‘Actually, I do,’ I reply. ‘Watching you and Meghan together …’ I let out a coarse breath. ‘At first, it was strange. Then, kind of uncomfortable. But towards the end of you and her being together, I honestly couldn’t stand it. Now I know why.’

The warmth filling Zac’s eyes floods my chest with a tingling heat. But there’s so much heaviness tied up in the things he’s said tonight.

His hand finally drops to rest back against the table. ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you more about Lindsay and his drunk driving. I should have done more than hint at it,but, well, for one, I never saw him as bad as he was the night of your accident. I didn’t think he’d ever go that far—especially with someone in the car. But also …’ Zac glances away as he sighs.

‘Also what?’

‘I was worried you’d think I was just trying to keep you away from Lindsay. Forotherreasons.’

‘Reasons like me thinking you were jealous?’

He nods with a guilty blush. ‘I was terrified of you figuring out how I felt about you. But it was a huge mistake. Lindsay could’ve …’ Imagined horror fills his gaze.

‘Don’t think like that,’ I say. ‘It all turned out OK.’

Zac just shakes his head at himself and reaches for his drink while my mind shifts to another question that I still need the answer to.

‘Why were you even in that car with Tara that night?’ I ask softly. ‘If she’d broken up with you?’

He puffs a weary exhale. ‘You knew Tara. She was kind of a ball-breaker, and she insisted that I be the one to tell her parents the engagement was off. She didn’t want me to go into detail about why, of course, but she asked me to tell them to their faces, and how could I say no? That’s why we were driving down to Mittagong.’

‘Zac, how could you not have told meanyof this?’

A soft sadness coats his eyes. ‘Jose, the girl I was meant to marry broke up with me because I wanted to be with someone else. Two days later, she died on a tripthat wouldn’t have happened if I’d just loved her the way I’d promised to. It’s been hard enough to live through my shame without seeing you every day. Just being with you here now like this … I feel like I’m betraying Tara all over again. Killing Tara all over again.’

It’s my turn to catch his face between my hands and look right into his eyes. ‘You didnotkill Tara. What happened was a terrible accident. The only person at fault is that bastard drunk driver who’s rotting in prison right now.’

Zac presses his lips together like he’s not quite sure he believes me, but he rests his cheek against my palm. My heart rate skyrockets again, and for several endless minutes, we sit and silently stare at each other, fighting off the guilt infecting the happiness between us.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ I eventually say, my hand slipping off his cheek and falling into his grasp.

He pulls my fingers possessively into his lap. ‘Me either.’

‘This is …’ A deep sigh blows through my lips. ‘It’s a lot.’

Zac just nods. There really is no other way to put it.

He shifts in his seat. ‘Maybe we should cool things down a bit until we’ve had a chance to think everything through. Before we jump off this cliff … decide if it’s really the right thing.’

I nod my agreement, but half of me doesn’t want that at all, and that half is caressing every one of Zac’s fingers.

I must look disappointed, because he shifts forward and brings his mouth close to my ear. ‘Don’t think I don’t want you,’ he says, his voice a little rough. ‘Being with you is all I can think about. I don’t think you realise what you do to me. It’s taking all the self-control I have not to kiss you right now.’

My cheeks catch fire, and my grip on him tightens. This is a form of torture I just can’t take.

‘I think we should go home,’ I eventually murmur through the lump of glue in my throat, making sure my voice doesn’t carry any suggestion one way or the other.

Because Zac is right. As much as we want each other right now, we need to be sure about what we’re doing so we don’t screw up what’s left of this friendship. There’s already enough baggage between us to take on a round-the-world holiday.

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