Page 57 of Love, Just In

It’s obvious that neither of us wants to talk anymore about the house fire, but images, sounds and smells hang heavy in the air between us … bodies on stretchers, family members shuddering with sobs, the oppressive stench of smoke, and the horrific, relentless revving of the fire hose.

We silently sip our beers through ‘Blow Up the Pokies’ by The Whitlams, ‘Ana’s Song’ by Silverchair, ‘The Day You Come’ by Powderfinger, and ‘Hearts a Mess’ by Gotye, when I steal a sideways look at Zac. His eyes have fallen shut, and his chest is rising and falling with the even rhythm of sleep. I get up and grab the quilt from the couch bed, carefully draping it over him.

‘From the Sea’ by Eskimo Joe cuts into the screen as I settle back into my spot. I should go to bed, but the nostalgic music videos feel more comforting than a dark room with nothing but memories of today to fill my head.

I tug one corner of the quilt over myself and watch four more songs play out before my eyes sink closed.

An imperceptible amount of time later, something solid and warm rubs up against me, bringing a waft ofmint and body wash. My eyes flutter open, finding Zac’s face so close to mine that our mouths are sharing the same patch of air. My lungs seize up as I shamelessly stare at him, my gaze tracing the soft pink of his lips, the delicate curve of his nose, and the little black fans of his eyelashes.

The sexy lyrics of ‘Need You Tonight’ by INXS burrow into my ears as I angle myself a little closer to him, hyper-aware that I can taste the sweet heat of his breath. If I lowered my lips just a fraction, our mouths would brush together, and maybe the confusing ache of want that’s growing somewhere deep inside me would get some relief.

My mind wanders further, and I imagine what it would be like to wrap my hand around his muscular arm and pull him on top of me, to feel his weight pinning me down on the couch while I drag my pelvis up and down, feeling the full, hard length of him.

Good lord, Josie Larsen. What on earth has come over you?

Zac’s breathing changes, and he makes the slightest shift before his eyes drift open. My heart rams my chest wall as I prepare for him to jerk away from my personal space invasion.

But he doesn’t. He just blinks at me through sleepy eyes before his gaze suddenly sharpens, then floats down to my lips, resting there for a long moment before returning to my eyes.

My lungs can’t find air as we silently gaze at each other, our faces so close that I can make out every ringof green and gold in his irises, my throat bobbing tightly. The air feels charged, and we’ve ended up on the edge of a ravine without warning. If one of us leans a fraction closer, we’ll tip right into it.

After a few uneven breaths, Zac’s eyes flicker away, and he rolls onto his other side, resettling himself back to sleep.

I stare blankly at the TV for a while with a thumping heart, waiting for Zac to move again. Waiting to see what he’ll do. But when he doesn’t stir, I push off the couch and turn down the volume before creeping off to bed.

After a restless sleep, I awaken just after five in the morning, and thirst drags me off the mattress.

Careful not to wake Zac, I quietly pad into the kitchen, frowning when I find the living room empty. I peel off the note taped to the coffee machine.

Ended up going to Meg’s. Thanks for being a friend last night.

I drop the note like it’s diseased, heat flooding my cheeks.

What planet have I been on? Zac’s not only dating someone he clearly likes—maybe even loves—but I’m so deep in the friend zone that I’d need a shovel to dig myself out.

Josie, you seem utterly determined to screw up every good thing in your life.

With a dull weight pressing against my sternum, I grab my laptop and settle onto a kitchen stool. I needto find a place to live. I can’t spend many more nights keeping Zac from his own bed or thinking about him stretched out in the next room in a pair of boxer briefs, and pretending that’s not what’s getting me off when I bring myself to release.

My palms cover my eyes at this new horror. I’ve somehow developed athingfor Zac, and I don’t know how to get rid of it. I need to focus on work, Lola, Lindsay—anything.

Because the idea of actually hitting on Zac isn’t funny to me. I just got him back in my life, and I can’t risk losing him again—especially now, when there might be something really wrong with my health. This friendship means more to me than anything, and my massively inappropriate feelings are screwing up my one chance at fixing it.

This ends now, I promise myself, before grabbing my phone to text Lindsay.

CHAPTER 19

One year ago

‘Josie, it’s Doctor Theodosi calling.’

My fingers stiffen around the handset. ‘Hi.’

‘I’ve got your ultrasound results. The lymph node appears to be benign, but because it is so enlarged, we’ll need to keep an eye on it. Come back in about four weeks, and if it hasn’t reduced in size, I will suggest we do a biopsy.’

My chest constricts.Biopsy?

My hand flies to my armpit, and I stroke my fingers over the walnut-sized lump, circling and squeezing it.

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